Ex came with woman to film me at my house

[Indyan]

He came knocking last Friday (he keeps trying to take baby away, but I can't trust him before court in 1 month).

He went on and on, as he knew it was my D11's bday.

I finally opened a window on the first floor, and there he was, playing victim as always, and behind him, holding a cellphone in my direction was that horrible woman he now hangs around with.

I can't help seeing how much he's using her, and it makes me sick to see it. She drives a long way for him to come and harass the kids and me (he can't drive). She testifies of whatever he wants her to testify about. And now she films me ?

I did mention several times that I didn't want to be filmed, but she carried on, looking satisfied and grinning.

I tried to talk to ex, but he started accusing me again of "violence" (?), he's really nuts.

The next day, I went to file a complaint at the police station against that woman (I have her details as she already testified in the past).

It was complicated at first, as the first policeman told me they couldn't do anything for me, for "anyone is allowed to film anyone as long as they don't publish the video publicly". Then I tried somewhere else again, and the policewoman did some research and told me that I was at home, and we're not allowed to film people in their houses... .

Pfff all this is just so stupid :-(

[maxen]

hi Indyan

Then I tried somewhere else again, and the policewoman did some research and told me that I was at home, and we're not allowed to film people in their houses... .

has there been any follow up from the police? you got contradictory advice.

[jedimaster]

I can't say for certain, but something comes to mind that I read a while back about videoing people.  I believe the second opinion you got is the correct one.  On your property/in your home, you have the right to privacy and they cannot film without your permission.  Once you enter "public space," i.e., the street, a business, a park, etc., you have less of a right to privacy as they can claim to be filming the public area and you are there voluntarily. 

[Indyan]

I believe the second opinion you got is the correct one.  On your property/in your home, you have the right to privacy and they cannot film without your permission. 

Yes, it's just the first policeman couldn't be bothered.

[Waddams]

Posts like this make the value of a fully fenced in yard and a really big dog spring to mind.  Line the fencing with rose or other thorny bushes, lock the gate, and that way if they try to enter the property by jumping the fence, they'll be making a beeline for a place to get bandaids next!

I would also be so tempted to invest in a paintball gun.  One of those super fast shooting jobs that sounds like someone really fast on an old-style type-writer when you let go with a good burst.  Keep the paintballs in the ice box so they stay nice and cold and they don't break easy.  They hurt like the dickens when they hit and don't break.

[Indyan]

Waddams, it may sound ridiculous to get upset for this, but this came after 9 months of harassment from my BPDx.

It was just too much.

[Waddams]

Waddams, it may sound ridiculous to get upset for this, but this came after 9 months of harassment from my BPDx.

It was just too much.

Oh I understand.  It's not ridiculous.  If I had someone going out of their way to harass me like that, and the local cops couldn't do anything about it, you can be d*mn sure I'd figure out some way to hit back and they'll learn that screwing with me and refusing to stop is gonna eventually hurt.  It's not in my character to just take it forever.  Not everyone is like me though, and I know it's not right for everyone.

I know it's frustrating, and I hope they find something else to go occupy themselves with soon.

[momtara]

Glad you are protecting yourself in this. I know you feel icky to know how he's using her and she doesn't even realize it. Lucky he can find people to drive him around. Ugh. Yes, protect the baby and don't give in. He sounds irrational.

[maxen]

this is bugging me. i'm dissatisfied with both answers you got. i want to be clear ahead of time that i think the entire episode ought to amount to harassment. i don't think it's ridiculous at all to be upset by it.

He came knocking last Friday (he keeps trying to take baby away, but I can't trust him before court in 1 month).

He went on and on, as he knew it was my D11's bday.

I finally opened a window on the first floor, and there he was, playing victim as always, and behind him, holding a cellphone in my direction was that horrible woman he now hangs around with.

... .

The next day, I went to file a complaint at the police station against that woman (I have her details as she already testified in the past).

It was complicated at first, as the first policeman told me they couldn't do anything for me, for "anyone is allowed to film anyone as long as they don't publish the video publicly". Then I tried somewhere else again, and the policewoman did some research and told me that I was at home, and we're not allowed to film people in their houses... .

there is an expectation of privacy within your own home. so, nobody can point a camera deliberately through a window and film, whether they are on or off your property. however, if a person with a camera is off your property and is filming the outside of your house, i wonder if that, legally, would be a violation of privacy? i don't know where you are though (it sounds like what you call first floor i might call second floor).

I did mention several times that I didn't want to be filmed, but she carried on

i wonder if this is legally cognizable.

Line the fencing with rose or other thorny bushes, lock the gate, and that way if they try to enter the property by jumping the fence, they'll be making a beeline for a place to get bandaids next!

i have barberry  

[ForeverDad]

He came knocking last Friday (he keeps trying to take baby away, but I can't trust him before court in 1 month).

He went on and on, as he knew it was my D11's bday.

I finally opened a window on the first floor, and there he was, playing victim as always, and behind him, holding a cellphone in my direction was that horrible woman he now hangs around with.

I don't know what qualifies as harassment but that word is a hot button term and such an allegation has serious legal consequences, if court ever arrives at that finding.

I did mention several times that I didn't want to be filmed, but she carried on, looking satisfied and grinning.

I tried to talk to ex, but he started accusing me again of "violence"... .

And that's why she was filming, hoping to catch you upset or overreacting so they would have something to show, "See! See!"  At the least it was part of the pressuring and intimidation.

I doubt anything productive could have come from the encounter.  He wanted the children.  The simple answer it merited was, "No, lets wait for the court to decide a schedule."  That should have been it.  Continuing to try to talk or reason with him was unlikely to succeed, it was just "negative engagement".  It would have been best to cut it short and then if he didn't leave call the police as eventually happened anyway.

Don't take this wrong, but I wonder if you're over-personalizing your reactions to this woman.  I don't doubt but that she's manipulated by ex or even egging him on, but usually it's best to keep the worst of the emotions out of the incidents so your emotions don't get the better of you and something is said or done that you later realize was unhelpful or even sabotaging to your case.

[Indyan]

I know it's frustrating, and I hope they find something else to go occupy themselves with soon.

Glad you are protecting yourself in this. I know you feel icky to know how he's using her and she doesn't even realize it. Lucky he can find people to drive him around. Ugh. Yes, protect the baby and don't give in. He sounds irrational.

Thanks guys, I agree 100% with this.

And yes, he does sound irrational. When I went to the cops, they looked suprised. Of course they see things which are a lot worse than this everyday, but this just doesn't make any sense!

And that's why she was filming, hoping to catch you upset or overreacting so they would have something to show, "See! See!" 

The simple answer it merited was, "No, lets wait for the court to decide a schedule." 

Don't take this wrong, but I wonder if you're over-personalizing your reactions to this woman. 

it's best to keep the worst of the emotions out of the incidents so your emotions don't get the better of you and something is said or done that you later realize was unhelpful or even sabotaging to your case.

Yes, precisely. I did say "let's wait for the court in September." He called for me to come back to the window. I didn't say that much. I just looked at her and said "Aren't you ashamed of going to harass a mother with her kids?"

But, as you said, it was totally useless.

And what you say about realizing later that things I said or done turned out to be used against me, that's exactly why I had to stop contact with ex, as EVERYTHING I've done, including the good things of course, have always been twisted around and turned evil.

That's truly pathetic.

[Indyan]

i wonder if this is legally cognizable.

When I went to file a complaint against the woman, the policeman asked questions, including ":)id you tell her that you refused to be filmed?" And I answered "yes, several times. I even told her that I refused to be filmed especially in such a difficult situation."

He also asked "Was it the first time she'd filmed you?"

I said "yes, but my ex recorded me many times with a recording device he carried in his pocket, and this against my consent."

I feel I'm in a nightmare.

My ex used to insist on marrying me after baby was born. And 1 year later, this is what I have to cope with.

My family, especially my father, keep telling me I should ignore all this crap, that I shouldn't be affected by his behaviour anymore, but I can't, it's too freaky, crazy and sick for me.