A question for parents

[SummerStorm]

My former friend was diagnosed with BPD last month, after her second suicide attempt.  She is 22 and has been living with her boyfriend since April (sort of... .on April 25, she basically just started to move all of her stuff in and started staying there 7 days a week).

Next month, she had her boyfriend are moving across the country, where her mom and stepdad just moved.  She said she also hopes to get treatment (she hasn't yet started any therapy for BPD).  There have been times when she and her mom didn't talk for months and other times when my former friend wanted nothing more than to be with her.  I should add that her mom and stepdad first moved out of the area a few years ago, while my former friend stayed here and finished college.   

Even though she and I aren't friends anymore (her choice, not mine) and she hurt me very deeply, I obviously still worry about her, especially considering her recent suicide attempt.  I guess the questions I have for the parents here on bpdfamily are as follows:

1. Could this move ultimately be more damaging than helpful?  I'm thinking more in terms of them enabling her and essentially allowing her to be dependent, rather than independent.  She hasn't had a job since early June. Her parents both make a lot of money, and I'm worried that they will just start handing over money to her when she needs it.  Before, she moved a lot and hopped from job to job, but she at least always had a job because she needed to pay rent, pay for medications, etc.  If she lives with her parents, it's possible that she won't have to pay rent.

2. Do pwBPD split parents black forever, like they do with friends/SOs?  She split her biological dad black a few months ago and then changed her phone number so he couldn't contact her. 

3. For those of you with children in their late teens, 20s, 30s, etc., what is your history of living with your child?  Has it been off/on, did they leave at times, did you kick them out at times?  I'm more curious than anything.  My former friend didn't talk that much about her mom or her dad, other than to say that they don't always get along.

I guess I'm just worried that her parents will stop allowing her to see the consequences of her actions, which may prevent her from seeking the help she needs.  Her mother is the type who wants everything to be wonderful and gives up when things aren't.  She's on her fifth marriage and has lived in three states over a five year period. 

I don't want to offend anyone on here by implying that her parents are the problem.  So many of you on here are aware of The Tools and The Lessons and use them, whereas her parents haven't had time to process BPD and how to best communicate with her. 

Thanks for listening! 

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[Gerri]

You are a good friend to be so concerned even though she has cut you out of her life.  My 20 y/o daughter w/BPD recently moved back home and it has been very good for her.  She is seeking treatment, going to school and working part time.  Your friend's suicide attempt is very serious.  Hopefully her parents are aware of the BPD diagnosis.   BPD experts state family support is crucial in helping loved ones in their recovery.  So it is probably a good thing she is moving back home.    You sound like a caring person.  Who knows?  Maybe the two of you will reconnect sometime.

Take care of yourself and enjoy your life.

[SummerStorm]

You are a good friend to be so concerned even though she has cut you out of her life.  My 20 y/o daughter w/BPD recently moved back home and it has been very good for her.  She is seeking treatment, going to school and working part time.  Your friend's suicide attempt is very serious.  Hopefully her parents are aware of the BPD diagnosis.   BPD experts state family support is crucial in helping loved ones in their recovery.  So it is probably a good thing she is moving back home.    You sound like a caring person.  Who knows?  Maybe the two of you will reconnect sometime.

Take care of yourself and enjoy your life.

Thanks for the response.  I guess I'm just worried that her parents only just moved out there and are still getting settled and the fact that she is moving with her boyfriend, whom she hasn't been dating for that long.  She has also never been to the state where she's moving, so there's just a lot going on.  I'm assuming her parents know about her diagnosis.  She was rushed to the ER on a Thursday, and her parents flew in and visited her on Friday in the ER.  Then, they flew back home again, and she went to the behavioral care unit for a few days.  It did upset me that they didn't spend more time here with her.  When I signed in at the behavioral care unit on her last full day there, she had only had two visitors total: me and her boyfriend.   :'(

She's hidden things from her mom in the past, and I guess I just worry about her hiding things again.  Back in April, she was cutting again and made sure to wear long sleeves so her mom couldn't see the band-aids on her wrists and arms. 

I worry about her staying committed to therapy.  This isn't the first time she's told me that she's going to get help.