If I summarize:
I used to live with a good and responsible man, we had an 8 yr old daughter.
BPD came along at a time when things weren't so good with my partner and charmed me until I broke up.
It was a very hard decision and it took months, as you can imagine.
But I was deeply in love with BPD.
We moved in together, decided to have a baby (very soon), he even said he wanted to marry me.
2 years later, here I am, alone with baby who's only 1,5 years old, and my D11.
And BPD who is doing everything he can to destroy me, financially, legally and emotionnally.
I'm 40, alone with 2 kids, no real career (also because I lost my job this year because of all the abuse from him, too much sick leave).
I used to be joyful, trusted people easily, almost childlike.
Today I feel suspicious of almost everyone, I feel totally broken inside, more surviving that living.
I also feel ashamed as I used to believe I could "read" people well and fell in love with such an evil person and saw nothing coming.
And for "chosing" such a dad for my son :'(
Hi Indyan. So sorry to hear what you are going through. Unfortunately many BPDs try to ruin the non after a break up. I really hope things work out for you financially/legally. Try to get as much support as you can. Its sad you lost your job because of sick leave, are you applying for more atm?
Try not to beat yourself up about falling for the BPD. They are very good actors and are so skilled at putting up a front. There are many people here who are in the same boat. Sometimes I too wonder how I could be so stupid to not have chosen wisely.
Now that you are aware of BPD you can better avoid another. I suggest a T may help you right now emotionally.
Hope you feel better soon
