Possessions

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi all,

So being a wife and mother I often think back to how things were in my childhood and am usually am just disgusted by the memories. My sister is DBPD and although my mother has never gone to see a psychiatrist, I'm pretty sure she is NBPD.

She was extremely neglectful of me as a child, I'm sure she was with my brother and sister as well but they are 5 & 8years older than me so I don't remember.

One thing that sticks out in my head from when I was a teenager is she would buy very cheap toiletries for me and my Dad and by the best name brand stuff for herself and hide them from us( by this time my brother and sister moved out).  As an adult I have no problem buying generic stuff at all, but it was like to her we weren't worth it.

She also ALWAYS seems to care more about possessions than she does for peoples feelings. I'm not saying I have no appreciation for other people's things, but I'm more concerned about the people I love than items I have.  Once she caught me reading a book of hers and flipped out because she thought I would somehow destroy it, I was 17. Another time in my 30's she had given me a table that had been her mothers. We had it in our office which is not part of the house we usually let visitors in and when she was babysitting my DD apparently she didn't like that pur bills were on it that she put it in her trunk when I wasn't there and took it. I was pi$$ed off beyond belief that she had taken something that was mine without asking.

Do any of you have similar issues with your pBPD?

[sisterofbpd]

Hi all,

So being a wife and mother I often think back to how things were in my childhood and am usually am just disgusted by the memories. My sister is DBPD and although my mother has never gone to see a psychiatrist, I'm pretty sure she is NBPD.

She was extremely neglectful of me as a child, I'm sure she was with my brother and sister as well but they are 5 & 8years older than me so I don't remember.

One thing that sticks out in my head from when I was a teenager is she would buy very cheap toiletries for me and my Dad and by the best name brand stuff for herself and hide them from us( by this time my brother and sister moved out).  As an adult I have no problem buying generic stuff at all, but it was like to her we weren't worth it.

She also ALWAYS seems to care more about possessions than she does for peoples feelings. I'm not saying I have no appreciation for other people's things, but I'm more concerned about the people I love than items I have.  Once she caught me reading a book of hers and flipped out because she thought I would somehow destroy it, I was 17. Another time in my 30's she had given me a table that had been her mothers. We had it in our office which is not part of the house we usually let visitors in and when she was babysitting my DD apparently she didn't like that pur bills were on it that she put it in her trunk when I wasn't there and took it. I was pi$$ed off beyond belief that she had taken something that was mine without asking.

Do any of you have similar issues with your pBPD?

[Turkish]

Not to excuse your mother's behaviors, but it sounds like she may have had a childhood of extreme neglect. In a way, what you describe sounds similar to hoarding, which is fear of loss.

[HappyChappy]

Sound like you have every right to be disgusted with the memories you've recounted.

she would buy very cheap toiletries for me and my Dad and by the best name brand stuff for herself and hide them from us

Hear you there. My mom would eat steak and feed us offal, so didn’t even bother hiding it. She would say “it’s wasted on you kids”. But it’s not personal, they just think they’re better than us (not).

She also ALWAYS seems to care more about possessions than she does for peoples feelings. I'm not saying I have no appreciation for other people's things.

A BPD is drawn towards money and status, so they like possessions. But I’m interested in your point about you not being bothered, because neither am I. With me, whenever I said I really like something it would break or disappear. My NPD bro was steeling it or trashing it.  I won an art competition once, and my pictures were cut up into small pieces – they had a really good excuse for that one also. So that’s why I don’t value (or look after) possessions. Did that ever happen to you ?

I was pi$$ed off beyond belief that she had taken something that was mine without asking.

I'm not surprised you were pi$$ed (I think it's spelt pi££ed). My BPD was always offering, but not delivering possessions. So maybe this is an extention of that ? Or did the table abandon you   ? I only got hand me down cloths, including underwear (no joke), whilst my BPD wore pearl necklaces and other expensive items.   But I'm guessing you, like me, have a loving family around. Which is way better than your BPD's table  

[sisterofbpd]

Not to excuse your mother's behaviors, but it sounds like she may have had a childhood of extreme neglect. In a way, what you describe sounds similar to hoarding, which is fear of loss.

I'm sure she probably did experience neglect, her mother although I really didn't know her well because she lived in a different state, was always horrible whenever I did see her.  But here's the thing, I was extremely neglected by my Mom too.  She would wait until my older siblings were on the bus to school and my dad was off to work and she would literally put me outside (at 4yrs old) and lock me out of the house for the day so she could sleep/watch tv without me bothering her.  Not until I was an adult did I think this was weird. As a parent myself, I realize how messed up that was and as a result I over do things for my kids, I'm always taking them to do fun things, and doing what ever I can to make them happy and keep them safe.

And yes, she does have a hoarding issue (mainly with old mail, newspapers and stuff) but it was like the products that she bought were completely different.  It was a though we are lower than her. 

She had a hard time adjusting to me being an adult and demanding respect, she still has a hard time with it sometimes.  It's like a large part of her still wants to have some amount of control over me.  This was clearly evident when I was planning my wedding  14 years ago and she was trying to insist that things were done a certain way or they would not help out with it at all.  (she didn't really do any of the planning at all, she didn't even come with me when I bought my dress because she was "busy" and then got upset that I bought the dress without her).  Sorry, went off on a tangent there. LOL

A BPD is drawn towards money and status, so they like possessions. But I’m interested in your point about you not being bothered, because neither am I. With me, whenever I said I really like something it would break or disappear. My NPD bro was steeling it or trashing it.  I won an art competition once, and my pictures were cut up into small pieces – they had a really good excuse for that one also. So that’s why I don’t value (or look after) possessions. Did that ever happen to you ?

Yeah know, I think a lot of my childhood I was either just numb or oblivious because I was trying just to survive till I could move out LOL.  I didn't really have anything I really liked and I knew they wouldn't buy me anything so I don't think I really experienced it though.  There was this one time when I was a teenager I mentioned how my Revlon tweezers worked really well.  After that my Mom kept stealing it from me and I would constantly find it in her make up bag, then I would take it back and it went on and on like that forever.  That's horrible about your artwork, how hurtful.  How did that excuse that one?

I'm not surprised you were pi$$ed (I think it's spelt pi££ed). My BPD was always offering, but not delivering possessions. So maybe this is an extention of that ? Or did the table abandon you  ? I only got hand me down cloths, including underwear (no joke), whilst my BPD wore pearl necklaces and other expensive items.  huh But I'm guessing you, like me, have a loving family around. Which is way better than your BPD's table  grin

I'm not really sure about the clothes, my sister was 8 years older than me so I'm assuming I did get some hand me downs but I know all of my clothes were bought cheaply (not that I blame her for that).  I can honestly say meeting my DH really saved me.  He really taught me not to be bitter and to be caring and that is really when I started noticing how messed up my FOO really is.  And yes, I thankfully have a wonderful loving family that I value more than any hand me down table

It's weird, everytime I'm around my parents they are discussing who is getting what in their will.  Is this normal?

[Deb]

My dBPD sister used to buy clothes from a top name department store and shop at thrift stores for her kids. She would buy expensive gifts for one daughter, than steal them from her! Oh, and when we were cleaning out our mother's house after her death, my sister insisted on taking the TV and VCR. Even though she had 2 TVS and two DVRs at home. And when she left her 4th husband, she took all 3 DVRs and all 3 DVRs with her. As well ast the stereo system and all the radios. She had a 1 bedroom apartment. 

[HappyChappy]

It's weird, everytime I'm around my parents they are discussing who is getting what in their will.  Is this normal?

My BPD is the same. My Dad wanted to gift us stuff and my BPD talked him out of it every time. Then my BPD would trying and get us jealous about who gets some tatty old chair that no one wants. She'll go on for years about the same chair, but none of us every pick it up, but she still thinks we all want it.     I guess she's still stuck back in the day when we had no money so would want a tatty old chair.

a lot of my childhood I was either just numb or oblivious because I was trying just to survive till I could move out LOL. 

Wow that brings back a memory -  I was the same, counting the days. Still your DH sounds great, so we've both survived and thrived. Well done use. 

[HappyChappy]

she took all 3 DVRs and all 3 DVRs with her. As well ast the stereo system and all the radios. She had a 1 bedroom apartment.  

Maybe she thinks you need several devices for stereo to work ? Surround sound ?  

[Deb]

she took all 3 DVRs and all 3 DVRs with her. As well ast the stereo system and all the radios. She had a 1 bedroom apartment.  

Maybe she thinks you need several devices for stereo to work ? Surround sound ?  

LOL! Maybe!