light at ends of tunnel?

[dragonflyjmr]

My 18 yr old daughter has BPD with sociopathic tendancy and delusions. I could go on for hours but she fits every criteria exactly.  We have been told she's a sociopath with physical violence to family.  Basically I feel like the worst person because I actually feel like the only way to be out of this deep dark hole is for me to die or run away. That's it, there is no light at the end of the tunnel for us just another problem. I feel so hopeless.  Has anyone else felt this way about their BPD child or am I a terrible person.

Thanks Jacquie

Our objective is to better understand the struggles our child faces and to learn the skills to improve our relationship and provide a supportive environment and also improve on our own emotional responses, attitudes and effectiveness as a family leaders

[kelti1972]

Welcome dragonfly:

I am sure we all have felt that sometime or another in our desperation for help and hope.  There is hope, even though we do not feel it it does exist.  When we are grieving the reality of a serious mental illness or the reality of the death of a loved one, etc.  grief can take us to many dark and foreign places.  Remember you are not alone, there is a light at the end, even though you cannot feel it or see it!.  Hold on, just hold on and take it one minute, one second, one day at a time.  You only have to worry about today.  The sun will come out tomorrow or the next day or the next. 

I have felt so much intense pain at loss or trying to accept reality I have felt like I wanted to die.  After my husband died I felt like running away and driving off the highway with my children.  Was I a terrible person, no I was a precious person in a tremedous amount of hurt and pain.  It did pass, it did.  For three years I went in and out of pain and hoplessness, and unknown territory.  My husband was terminally ill with cancer for three years. I had two little ones and was only 33 years old at the time.  No skills to go out and make a living.  It was a tough time.  As a child, my mother, brother and two sisters died when I was four years old.  I never felt so abadoned and so alone and hopeless and I have struggled with it through my life.  I could go on and on, but no need just know you are not alone.  Kelti