Hi PX,
I am glad you had a good day for yourself.
Have you managed to browse the lessons at all? That really is the best place to start.
I just don't know how I should go about her emotional texts. Should I side step? Should I give a non emotional response? I want to show I'm there for her but at the same time, I don't want to be an over eager doormat who she can expect to be there when it suits her needs.
My partner and I used to be caught in a cycle of conflict, a lot of circular arguments, a lot of emotional reactivity. The kind of stuff you find described in Lesson 4. What I have found on this board is an emphasis on me being calm and centered and establishing boundaries that kept both of us more comfortable.
What used to happen was she would react emotionally and before I understood how BPD worked, I would react to her harmfully intense emotions. And then she would react to my emotions. And we would be ping ponging off each other like berserk super balls. It wasn't pretty.
If it was me I would try a SET statement (Lesson 3). I tend to find them easier and for me they tend to work better.
SET= Support, Empathy, Truth
In your situation, a SET could look like this, if you choose to use a SET put it in your own words, I'm just offering an example.
Support = I know you wanted to get together with me.
Empathy = It's really understandable that it would feel uncomfortable to do that.
Truth = It's actually hard for me too so why don't we ... .(fill in the blank with something you are comfortable with)
What ever you fill in the blank with, make it something you are comfortable with but think she could be comfortable with also. A middle of the road solution. Take a small amount of the emotional lead here. (Lesson 2 - Being Committed)
You'll find that feeding into games, or what we call continuing the dysfunctional dance is discouraged on Staying. All of us here are always looking for the healthier response.
What do you think? Any of this make any sense?
'ducks