Bpd boyfriend can't let go of his ex.. Should I break up?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

everyone,

My bf has BPD.

His ex gf really upsets him. It has been over for 3 years between them, but he is still talks a lot about her. I see him checking out her fb page a lot.

A few weeks ago, he saw his ex gf at a party. I was there too. She didn't want anything to do with him obviously. But he couldn't keep his eyes of of her... He was constantly trying to get her attention and talk to her. It was humiliating. The way he looked at her... He has never looked at me this way. We have been together for over 2 years now. But to be honest, he just seems bored sometimes. Like he isn't there.

I try to be open minded about it but I just don't trust him anymore.

I tried confronting him with this situation and about his ex and all, but he just went extremely mad at me and said that he feels sorry for her bc she was so upset when their relation ended. She didn't seem upset to me.

Is my bf not over his ex? And what does he really feel for me? Or am I just a safe choice who wants to live with him so he isn't alone anymore? I feel that way. I feel used. I am always there for him and want to ease his mind, but it doesn't work.

Anyone who can relate to this? Should I end my relationship? Thanks a lot.

[Sunnyy]

everyone,

My bf has BPD.

His ex gf really upsets him. It has been over for 3 years between them, but he is still talks a lot about her. I see him checking out her fb page a lot.

A few weeks ago, he saw his ex gf at a party. I was there too. She didn't want anything to do with him obviously. But he couldn't keep his eyes of of her... He was constantly trying to get her attention and talk to her. It was humiliating. The way he looked at her... He has never looked at me this way. We have been together for over 2 years now. But to be honest, he just seems bored sometimes. Like he isn't there.

I try to be open minded about it but I just don't trust him anymore.

I tried confronting him with this situation and about his ex and all, but he just went extremely mad at me and said that he feels sorry for her bc she was so upset when their relation ended. She didn't seem upset to me.

Is my bf not over his ex? And what does he really feel for me? Or am I just a safe choice who wants to live with him so he isn't alone anymore? I feel that way. I feel used. I am always there for him and want to ease his mind, but it doesn't work.

Anyone who can relate to this? Should I end my relationship? Thanks a lot.

[rotiroti]

Sunnyy,

Only you can make the decision for yourself.

Is pining over an ex a deal-breaker for you or is it something you can work with?

[Mutt]

Hi Sunnyy,



I'm sorry to hear that. I can see how embarrassing that would be and how we would feel used .

I agree with rotiroti. What are your boundaries?

I tried confronting him with this situation and about his ex and all, but he just went extremely mad at me and said that he feels sorry for her bc she was so upset when their relation ended. She didn't seem upset to me.

Do you know the back story on his ex? Who broke up with who?

[OnceConfused]

Something is not RIGHT.

Perhaps you need to  bring the issue up about getting over his x. 3 years is a long time, enough to get over. If he acts mad to not disclose his true feeling about you and/or his x, then you know he is not sincere about being  with you and working on the r/s with you. You are simple a bridge to somewhere else. That was exactly how I felt with the xBPDgf. She constantly shared with me the news about her xs. WHen we were in public, she subtly made sure we walked apart as if she was still available.

These little subliminal signals mean a lot. Pay attention to them.

[Sunnyy]

Hello everyone,

Thank you all so much for your support! It feels so good not to be alone.

I've ended our r/s last night. It just didn't feel right anymore. I felt like there was no love 'left' for me. If there ever was any.

He didn't take it very well. He went mad again.

The night we met his ex was an eye opener for me really. I always knew something wasn't right. But I couldn't tell exactly what it was. All those subtle signs... He was always texting other women... Who were "just friends". The last year there was rarely a "spark" in his eyes anymore when we were together. He seemed so absent. I put up with it bc I thought it was only temperarely. I was always finding excuses for his behaviour.

About the ex... She broke up with him and their r/s lasted for "only" a year. She didn't want to move in with him bc she works in a different part of the country than he/we. This is what I heard from a friend of my ex bf... Then I came around and was so deeply in love and wanted to move in with him. How convenient... Two months later we were living together.

My ex bf told me that she (his ex) was always telling him that he wasn't good enough for her. Which is one of those things he accuses me of. Funny, right?

I think his ego couldn't take the fact that she dumped him, just like I did.

My ex bf is also a bit of a narcissist you see. I think he hurt her by spreading al these lies.

However, it feels good to just admit the facts. I feel kind of relieved actually. I do not have to lie to myself anymore that he truely loves me.

It hurts offcourse, but I feel much stronger now.

[Lifewriter16]

Well Done Sunnyy!

One of my ex boyfriends took me to a party and left me with the host as soon as we arrived to go and talk to his ex. This was on our first date. I had so little self-esteem that I spent another five years with him feeling hurt and jealous. I shouldn't have spent another evening with him.

To me, it matters little whether the person has BPD or not in this situation: if they want someone else, they want someone else FULLSTOP and we're wasting our time and damaging ourselves by staying. Personally, I think you've done the right thing and been very courageous in ending that relationship. Keep posting as you heal. You might find it interesting to review the articles on co-dependency. I certainly did.

Love Lifewriter x