Auditory hallucinations/delusions

[Larmoyant]

I have recently left my BPD bf as I just couldn't cope anymore, it was truly a painful nightmare, but I have a question. I want to try to understand some of what happened. One thing that stood out for me which I just cannot get my head around was his tendency to hear conversations that just did not take place. For example, he would often accuse me or insinuate that I was planning on cheating and sometimes seemed to hear conversations that had most definitely not taken place, sort of like an auditory delusion or hallucination perhaps. For example, we were sitting in a cafe and two men came past and he claimed one of them said that I had been looking at him. This just did not happen. Another time we walked past some men sitting at a table and he claimed to hear one of them say that they could not talk to me today because I was with my boyfriend. He interrogated me about this, but I had never seen any of those men before. In fact we had never even been in that place before. Another time he apparently overhead me talking about oral sex with some women. I was talking to the women, but no one was talking about oral sex. For one I'd only just met them and I don't go around introducing myself to people and then talk to them about oral sex! Has anyone else experienced this? Is it common with people with BPD?

[GreenEyedMonster]

I had the opposite experience.  I could remember conversation with my exBPD that he claimed never happened. 

[once removed]

hey larmoyant 

if this person is BPD, these are likely not hallucinations, per se. as you may know, pwBPD have a constant, tremendous fear of abandonment. they are hypervigilant for any sign of it, real or imagined. couple the fear of abandonment with a "feelings=facts" attitude, and i think this is what youre describing. it is very surreal to us, but it is reality for a pwBPD.

and of course i could be wrong, this could also be a deeply paranoid person youre describing, but i had similar experiences, and they simply represented my exes reality, which was very different than mine.

[Larmoyant]

GreenEyedMonster, I also experienced this and have since learned it was gaslighting. It was a terrible experience caused me so much pain and confusion I thought I was going mad!

Once removed, thanks for the information. I'm really not sure if my ex has BPD, all I know is he displayed so many traits of it, including NPD, some sociopathic and some psychotic traits, he also had a drinking problem. I suffered rages, rants, insults, nasty insinuations, accusations, physical abuse (once), but the emotional push/pull was by far the worst thing I've experienced ever in my life. I've lost so much career wise, financially, physically and emotionally, but have started to see a therapist. I'm hoping to understand what the hell it was I just went through. It truly almost destroyed me.

[once removed]

im really sorry to hear you endured those things larmoyant  . it may help to know many members can relate, and it really helps to talk. im also glad to hear youre seeing a therapist, how is that going?

[Larmoyant]

once removed, I just came here to read and your response has me sobbing my heart out. It just makes a difference that someone wants to listen, someone to understand that I feel so bad. There really are no words to describe what I've just been through and sometimes I'm in utter despair. He used and abused me, push and pulled me so much that there's  hardly anything left of me, but I'm reaching out and have my second appointment with a therapist this week. I want to get my life back, but right now it's so difficult.

[once removed]

hey larmoyant 

this really is why we are here. we are a support group (that exists for a reason). we do understand, even though each of our experiences are unique, and we very much want to listen and help.

can i ask how far out you are? it does not sound very long. give yourself plenty of time and patience. my life didnt come together so easily either, i didnt function for a month or two, and i was experiencing suicidal ideation at five months out... .which i dont say to discourage you, only to highlight the very real toll that these relationships take on us; they are a traumatic experience. you will get your life back, but it will take time. we are here for you  . 

[Larmoyant]

Hi once removed, I kept going back and it only got worse each time. This time I've been out for 2 weeks and I'm trying to get strong so I don't get pulled back in. I won't try to contact him, I never do, but it's been hard to resist when he eventually comes back around, tells me what I desperately want to hear and before I know it I'm getting insulted, accused, lied to, cheated on, push/pulled all over again. It's sheer torture and I feel cut to pieces right now. I've lost my job and my career. All gone because I couldn't take the stress. I'm so angry with myself, so upset that I let this happen. I used to be pretty, bubbly, but now I'm a physical and mental mess of a person. I'm trying so hard to pick up the pieces. Thank you for talking to me.