Another A-ha moment

[Hellothere]

Wow, so I am nearly 3 months into my first travel experience. I can wholeheartedly say it's helped me heal in ways I never thought I'd be able to. I've spoken to my BPDexs mutual friends, her Child's father (I was step parent) and even her sister.

The a- ha moment for this thread came from thinking about a dream I awoke from this morning. Most of the details were Blurry and vague but the bit that woke me up, I remember saying "it's been three and a half years and I still love you". It's actually been two and a half years but yeah.

The realisation I had from this dream was that the reason I think I still "love her" was because I am still trying to find the validation she stripped horribly Away from me in the r/ship.

I am looking for other girls to provide this validation so I can complete the last part of the puzzle. When this isn't happening as I (thankfully!) haven't developed the same deep ties with these new girls I feel empty.

Has anyone else felt this kinda thing? I know that I can't just expect other people to be able to fill the void she has left but I would ultimately like to be in a loving kind relationship one day. I think this is only natural after my breakup past though.

[valet]

I've had similar thoughts before, definitely.

When the mirror begins to crack and we finally see it for what it is (a broken, shattered thing that was hung on a nail that couldn't support the weight of it) that grand illusion gradually begins to disappear. If we analyze why it fell, we have a better foundation of truth to base our values on (i.e. what do I want and need for myself?; what do I want and need from my relationships?)

True acceptance is actually seeing the void that you mention, acknowledging its presence, then learning to fill it with good, healthy things that will improve your quality of life. This is hard work. Many of us have core wounds from childhood that were never fully healed or coped with effectively. But the contentment that we gain after doing this kind of self-reflection and adjusting our behaviors is a reason to bare the hardship.

As long as there is a light at the end of the tunnel, we should push ourselves to move towards it.