triangle ?

[cloudten]

I don't understand a triangle, but I think I might be part of one.

I have been NC with BPDxbf for 9 very long days. One of his employees used to be my friend. On Saturday I asked her to stop telling him things about my life. She got offended and "ended the friendship". Fine. No big loss to me.

Well, she messages me out of the blue yesterday saying that she was upset that I wasn't her friend and upset at how I spoke to her. I told her she doesn't understand that he will absolutely stalk me... .and she cannot tell him anything what-so-ever.

She proceeded to tell me that he is an emotional mess, and that I should really talk to him. I said I had nothing good to say to him and that it was over.  I essentially asked her to stop contacting me.

Again, today, she texted me that BPDx "really has hopes you might get back together, not now, but in the future if you don't find someone else."

What the heck. I NEED OUT OF THIS. WHY are these people doing this to me? He was CALLING PROSTITUTES. he was having other girls "sleep over". I am NOT STUPID and i know I can do better. I want the drama to f**** end already. 

and to top it off... .i miss him. I obviously have very serious issues if I am missing someone that psychologically abuses me. My doctor's appointment to get on an antidepressant is Friday- not soon enough.

[valet]

She is undoubtedly concerned about him, and part of her is probably blaming you for his emotional state.

What's wrong with that picture right there?

You are not responsible for either of their emotions, and you are not liable to be held accountable (especially in this way) for doing what is best for yourself.

[Pretty Woman]

Cloudten,

  This person is NOT respecting your boundaries. When you have cancer what do they do? They radiate it or cut it out.

I liken this to people with no boundaries. You need to cut them out.

Your line about the hookers... .yes you deserve better! WOW soo much better! If this wasn't your life and you were reading about someone else, I can guarantee you would be appalled by what you just described.

I understand where you are. I stopped having sex with my ex because I feared I would get a disease. If she lied to me about other things... .who knows if she has anything or not.

I am not being mean, I hope you are not offended by my brash commenting. I remember hearing about Rhianna and Chris Brown, their relationship (Chris is suspected BPD) and I used to think Rhianna must be a moron for not getting out of it.

I AM Rhianna! I stayed for three years with someone who left me 10x... .sometimes for others. Someone who belittled me... .turned things around on me... .accused me of things I never did... .told lies about me. Discarded me like trash and hasn't talked to me at all ever since.

And I miss this f'king person?

These relationships are addicting. We KNOW they are not right for us but we try to fix them. We should be fixing us. We have our own problems for being attracted to these situations.

You need to block this person interferring. Whether she has good intentions or not, you asked her not to tell you anything and she is violating that and yes, it IS a triangle... .any connection is STILL CONTACT albeit indirectly.

Good friends will "get it" when you tell them not to tell you anything or share anything with the ex.

I have had to tell a few people to respect my wishes.

Your good friends will.   Those are the keepers.


PW

[ShadowIntheNight]

I don't understand a triangle, but I think I might be part of one.

I have been NC with BPDxbf for 9 very long days. One of his employees used to be my friend. On Saturday I asked her to stop telling him things about my life. She got offended and "ended the friendship". Fine. No big loss to me.

Well, she messages me out of the blue yesterday saying that she was upset that I wasn't her friend and upset at how I spoke to her. I told her she doesn't understand that he will absolutely stalk me... .and she cannot tell him anything what-so-ever.

She proceeded to tell me that he is an emotional mess, and that I should really talk to him. I said I had nothing good to say to him and that it was over.  I essentially asked her to stop contacting me.

Again, today, she texted me that BPDx "really has hopes you might get back together, not now, but in the future if you don't find someone else."

What the heck. I NEED OUT OF THIS. WHY are these people doing this to me? He was CALLING PROSTITUTES. he was having other girls "sleep over". I am NOT STUPID and i know I can do better. I want the drama to f**** end already. 

and to top it off... .i miss him. I obviously have very serious issues if I am missing someone that psychologically abuses me. My doctor's appointment to get on an antidepressant is Friday- not soon enough.

What you describe in the truest sense of the word isn't triangulation. However, it is clear this woman thinks she needs to be some sort of a mediator for your ex. With that in mind you can tell her to leave you alone if you want.

[reflection]

She proceeded to tell me that he is an emotional mess, and that I should really talk to him. I said I had nothing good to say to him and that it was over.  I essentially asked her to stop contacting me.

She doesn't understand that you are in a lot of emotional distress yourself and that you shouldn't be sacrificing your happiness anymore for him. We've got to take care of ourselves first!