what do you need to do to prepare for disaster?

[specialized]

When we are in a relationship with someone who emotionally dysregulates unpredictably, it is our responsibility to be the head of the house, perhaps we end up having to make a lot of decisions on our own, we might do more than our share of taking care of the kids or household chores... .we do what we have to to get things done that otherwise may never get done... .

so when your BPD spouse threatens divorce everytime she blow up, there may be a possibility that one of these days she may actually call the lawyer.

I have taken it upon myself to remove financial documents from the house and separate our bank accounts so that i have a handle on the finances.

my question is what are some considerations for things to do before a divorce happens to insure well being for you and your kids .

any thoughts on this?

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PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Wrongturn1]

Good concept to consider.  A lot of people around here have a change of clothes, some cash, and toiletries stashed in their car in case they have to leave the house for an overnight time-out in the midst of a dysregulation.

Beyond that (and probably more along the lines of what you are asking), you might consider making the same inquiry on the family law, divorce, and custody board on this site.  People there would probably have some ideas based on their experiences.

[Dutched]

I can relate worrying about it. Exw did the same, ‘just’ blowing up the r/s as I didn’t had time to go out for a walk with her, or as exw wasn’t personally invited (yet) by her sister for her birthday. It kind of scares you of what will be next.

It was exw’s ultimate threat, as exw couldn’t come up with anything else anymore. That pattern lasted several years and before I knew anything about BPD (later knowing about BPD, I knew and despite all, that the r/s would end one day).

But my response scared her as I said  ‘You want to stop? Then you will be the one that leave, never me!’

Well, in her ultimate outburst exw indeed left just with only few boxes, as she did when she was 18yrs. old dumping her parents in exactly the same way.

I really understand your position and think it is very wise to take precautions as divorcing a BPD will be a high conflicted one.

Remember, feelings ARE facts for pwBPD(!), so you are the one that will need to prove facts!

So yes, you need to document, file important documents (in a safe deposit box at the bank), scan and back up your computer files. Don’t forget passwords…

And yes, document (with dates) threats, outbursts, etc. I did so for many yrs. and even handed some over to the family doctor! It became very handy during and after that divorce of exw.

Reading your intro, 20 yrs. through the drain will be very, very hard!

Despite it is not you, it is her, her actions affects you, your family, your finances and your future!

Be strong, read, learn and apply as much as you can.

Most of all, be kind to yourself, build a support network, as I did by informing some family members and close friends, it helps!).

For you and the sake of your family, I really hope ‘that’ day will never come!