My wife and I have been together almost everyday since we met seven years ago. At first, I thought we were old lost souls that finally found one another, but as time passed, I don't know what we are... .
My wife is an alcoholic, who has tried to kill her self three times since I been with her. The last one was the first time we had ever been apart, I had to travel for one night out of town. We spoke through out the day and all was fine, our daughter was with her and things were good. Then she went to dinner with her mom and our daughter, our daughter decided to spend the night with my mother in law, since my father in law was also out of town for work, and she was helping us by taking her to school the next morning. Everything was fine, my wife had called me and said she loved me and she was going to bed. About 2.5 hours later I get a call from one of friends and her son, saying they stopped by the house on their way home and my wife was wasted drunk, cut herself, and taken both bottles of her pills (seroquel and trazadone). Needless to say, they called 911 and she was taken away to the ER. I flew home on the next available flight, only to be denied by the hospital to see my wife for over 3 hours before I threatened them with a lawyer, the mayor, and the media! When I saw my wife, she was in the ICU and on life support, hooked up to every machine imaginable. I fell to me knees in tears, with our daughter watching. I am the one who doesn't cry, and can handle much weight on my shoulders, but this broke me. I spent 7 days, holding her hand, praying, washing her, even wiping her ass until they finally gave her a rectal cath. Family had come up, visited with her, prayed over her and cried. I was there almost 24/7, then she started to come out of it. She was unhooked from life support once she was breathing on her own. It took two before she could clear the fog, and was then Baker Acted for the attempted suicide. She called me every ten minutes crying and saying she is sorry, and she will be okay. I sought professional help, only to find out that we could not afford the treatment she needed. I finally found a place that would take her and my insurance covered 100%. She spent a week there, and then came home and started seeing a BDT therapist, of which she still sees once a week.
During this time, she started seeing a psychiatrist, who I went with her to see. The first thing I told him was, she tried to overdose with the meds that someone prescribed her and I do not want to see her on all these pills (Xanax, anti-depressant, trazadone, Seroquel), she is also an alcoholic. She is 5'3" 115lbs and was drinking a 12 pack a night on top of her meds. The first 3 months were great, she didn't drink, was only on one anti drepressant and she walked 3 miles everyday with me and our dogs. Then she started drinking again!
She began working again and drinking more. The psychiatrist over time has now prescribed her, Adderall, Xanax, anti depressant, seroquil, trazadone, and a blood thinner because her blood pressure is so high! I am not a doctor, but this guy is a complete Effin' Idiot. Not only has gotten her back on the drugs she tried to kill herself on, but now added in the Adderall! she went from 135 lbs to 115 lbs within the first month. She is scatter brained and cant slow down enough to think, and now had started drinking again. Over this past summer she ended up a 12 pack every night, a pack of cigarettes, and all her meds. I am paying for a BDT therapist twice a week ($170/wk) and its not working... I am at my wits end. We don't even have enough money to get our daughter all she wanted for the new school year.
I don't want to be that person to abandon her, but I can't take it anymore. I am blamed for her unhappiness, told that I am controlling, I am uncompassionate to her feelings and that she will not quit drinking.
I do not want to be married to a drunk, I do not want to be broke because of my wife over spending our money, I do not want to live a life where I give 150% and she gives none. I work from home, so I am able to take our daughter to and from school everyday, I am able to do laundry though the day, I cook dinner, do dishes and clean. My wife goes to work
6:45am, then comes home
6pm (by her choice, because she is so scatter brained she cant focus) and stops to get herself a 6 pack on her way home. She doesn't ask or call to see if there is anything we need before she makes it home.
Yes, i work from home, but my day goes from 6am to midnight. Maybe not continuous, but i work too, and still maintain our responsibilities.
When is enough, enough? Our daughter is not mine, she is my step daughter, but the bio dad is not in the picture, the house we live in is rented from my mother, since she retired an moved, and we have only been married for four years. I have though seriously about divorce and to be honest, i think it is the only way to preserve my own self. I will always be there for our daughter and will not abandon her, but I am tired of this.
I am a Christian, and love my faith, and love my commitment to marriage, but is this what God wanted for me? My father died
58 while at work, no men in my family have lived passed 60 due to heart problems and strokes.
Someone please share something with me, whether it's hope for a happier day with my wife, or persuasion to get out and find happiness on my own again, and continue to be a Dad to our wonderful daughter... .
My soul is worm thin and my light of hope has gone out. I find myself just surviving and making it through another day. That's not what life is supposed to be. I am a confident, happy person. I have had a successful life in my own personal accomplishments, but i miss being happy and miss being passionate about life. I fear dying young like my father and grandfather and not being happy...
Lost and Tired... .
