at crossroads with my BPD boyfriend

[kairorose]

Hi everyone!:)

So happy I found this site... .! :)I have been dating my untreated BPD boyfriend for 3 years now. Im really shocked it lasted this long but I think its a combination of my attachment/love/guilt/depression and fears of being alone that has kept me stuck. In some ways he got better but in other ways he is not getting the real help he needs so he stays rageful at times. I know I deserve better than the constant yelling and tantrums but I also feel so connected inlove with him I cant find the strength to leave him. Such a dilemma. Is anyone else on the fence with their significant other with BPD?

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Daniell85]

 

If you are wanting to stay in the relationship, this is the place to be. We all are trying to work through in our relationships. I, myself, have a lot of doubts, but here I am. It's more about you/me, than our sig others, it seems.

Have you had a chance to read the lessons to the right on this page? There is a lot of information there.

What would you like to see happen in your relationship?

[TheRealJongoBong]

Kairorose, many of us are stuck in the same dilemma. Our partners are driving us crazy and putting us in situations dangerous to our health, happiness, and freedom, yet we still persist in staying in the relationship. Sometimes it's kids, sometimes it's financial, but mostly it seems to be that undefinable hook that is stuck in us, that won't let us separate. There are lots of theories as to where the hook comes from (addiction, trauma bonding, etc) but it is very very real. Please read as much as you can to both understand yourself and your relationship. Ask lots of questions here, it is very illuminating and supportive too. I wish you luck in working this out.

[kairorose]

Thank you both very much! I think its the challenge of my life b/c despite how much love I feel for him at times, he insists on destroying it with his constant verbal abuse and yelling and threats How much can I take of his abuse? I need to love myself more and get out of this but my heart wont let meI am so afraid to leave and be on my own and do NC. It seems impossible, plus my doggie ADORES him as he does her... .I feel helpless... .

so glad u guys can understand cuz anyone else would think I was nuts for staying with such a sick person

[kairorose]

Daniell I would love for him to get the help he needs in therapy. To learn how to stop the constant verbal attacks on me and his mother.

he hardly talks to his therapist and when he does, he never addresses his core issues...

[ptilda]

I feel your pain. I don't have the answer as I'm still looking for it myself. But I love my husband and believe in him even though I have moments (sometimes long moments) of doubt. There's such a mess and it's out of my hands.

One of the biggest help has been my prayer support. I've been learning about prayer and am a firm believer in prayer as the one thing that can reach through all this ick. So that's been my weapon.

He's started doing a Bible study with one of the Haiti an pastors (he's Haitian), and I think that's HUGE. It's not therapy, but it's discipleship and accountability and since it appears to be one-on-one, it means he gets a mentor.

So we keep moving forward the best we can.