need input and opinions

[Eco]

Here is the situation, My ex has primary custody of my daughter who is 2 and 1/2. The court order states that I get my daughter every Wednesday from 3pm to 5pm and every other weekend, my ex works 3 days a week and has been letting me get my daughter on Wednesday at 8am to 6 pm instead of 3pm to 5pm because she lost her child care assistance and could not afford the daycare price for all 3 days she works.

2 weeks ago my ex asked me if I could watch my daughter for all 3 days she works, I agreed because I'm wanting more time with my daughter. I work 3rd shift so it works out other then losing some sleep but I would trade that for more time with my daughter. I think my ex only wanted to do this for a week or two because she came to me last week and said that she thinks it would be better to go back to me only getting my daughter one day instead of the 3 days because my daughter could socialize more at daycare with kids her age. I was extremely tired and not thinking clear and agreed to her request and offered to pay half of the daycare cost.

After thinking about this I came up with a better idea ( In my opinion ) why not let me get my daughter 2 of the 3 days my ex works and let my daughter go to daycare 1 day a week instead of 2. If the daycare cant do just one day but has to do 2 days because of the way billing is done then I will ask my ex if she could give up one of her days that she isn't working to send her to daycare. I mean isn't that what my ex is asking me to do? give up one of my days to send my daughter to daycare. I could say that I don't have to pay half for daycare and that I can watch my daughter while my ex works if she wants and get extra time that way but I'm trying to be fair and meet my ex half way on this. not to mention that if I refuse to pay half for daycare she would spite me and take away the one full day she is giving me now, I feel like she is only giving me Wednesday now is because she cant afford 3 days of daycare.

Does this sound selfish? or a bad idea?

[livednlearned]

I suspect anything you suggest will be shot down... .

If this was a reasonable person, and you were negotiating, you could suggest that you have D all three days, but D goes for half the day. Or, she goes for 1 day. Or 2. Or you keep her all three days but spend the day at the park with other kids, have playdates, do other fun/social things.

It seems like there are a lot of options. The question is whether your ex gets to be the decider, or whether you do, and whether you want daycare as a back up on the days when you really need your sleep.

[ambivalentmom]

Hello again Eco,

    I remember you said your daughter was 29 months and that is about the same age as my younger daughter.  My D2 is in full-time daycare right now, but I would love for her to be in a more intimate setting.  I'm wondering if your ex is concerned about socializing or it's just a control thing.  If it's socializing, maybe using SET to validate her and suggest ways you can do this while D2 is with you.  Like LnL mentioned, see if there are play groups in the area, local library might have reading time for toddlers, look for places you will run into other toddlers (parks/playgrounds/pools), and if you need a rest maybe setup play-dates with other parents and take turns.  It would show your ex that she is right (socializing is good), but you won't lose your time and it could put you in a good place to make reccommendations for future things involving D2.  You could also check with behavior specialists/online checklist just to see if she is on track with social skills and what you can work on for her age group.  I also use BabyCenter website for parenting stuff and they may have additional things to help with socializing.

    If it's a control thing,  maybe use SET, then throw some ideas out there for her to decide the best way to socialize while D2 is with you.  Not ideal, but might be better than her going back to daycare.