Hi BTA,
I posted on your other thread but wanted to jot a note here too.
First a quick housekeeping thing. The board you are posting on is the Staying board, because you are still with your partner while she is in the hospital. The moderators who are all volunteers doing a thankless job brilliantly have guideline for this board which include not urging members to exit their relationship. I included the guidelines for you.
I personally think posting on this board is the best for you because we all are the resident experts at communicating with pwBPD in distress and it looks like you might need some help with that.
but to be fair I wanted to point out if you go over to the undecided board, you will likely get a whole different set of messages, and you might want a different set of opinions.
board guidelines
Summary: Understand the thought patterns of a BPD spouse, girlfriend, or boyfriend. Learn relationship building and communication skills and strategies for personal growth.
Audience: For members who are in a relationship with someone who is suffering with BPD and who want to improve the quality and safety of the day to day family interactions. It is also acceptable to post on this board as you are working through the initial stages of a break-up and you are still communicating or trying to reconcile.
Objective: To improve the quality and safety of your day to day family interactions.
General Approach: The approach is four-fold: 1) to understand the fundamental struggles of a person with BPD and the challenges that this disorder brings to a relationship; 2) to understand our role in the relationship problems; 3) to learn tools and techniques to help in day to day interactions; and 4) to learn healthy and constructive ways to develop ourselves outside of the relationship.
A relationship with a borderline requires a great deal of strength - the healthy partner must assume the role of emotional caretaker or emotional leader in the relationship. This requires strength, understanding, knowledge and patience. Self-care provides us strength, understanding connects us, knowledge guides the our behavior through which we affect others and determines what is perceived. Patience and time are on our side.
Additional Guidelines for this Board: Please read the community guidelines (see link at the bottom of every thread). The following guidelines are also in effect for this board:
•Please do not urge participants to exit their relationship. Members post here to find solutions to difficult relationships. Please allow them the opportunity.
•Please do not use this board as a place to complain about your partner without seeking constructive relationship advice. We are here to find solutions. It is a given that our partners are difficult.
•We are not victims and this board is not about right and wrong. Please do not take sides in couples disputes or seek to have other members agree, support or defend your position in your relationship disputes. This will only serve to polarize matters in your real life and make resolution further out of reach.
Additional Guidelines for this Board: Little is intuitive in a BP relationship. We encourage all members to read our starting guide - Before You Can Make Things Better - You Have to Start by Not Making Things Worse.
She is currently becoming more and more suicidal as she is sitting in the psychiatric unit of a hospital so I fear that I can't leave yet. And I'm terrified of me leaving and her killing herself. The first night I followed my safety plan (last Tuesday) she threatened suicide and her therapist called 911.
I'm sorry you are going through this. I can certainly understand why you would feel terrified. Was there something about last Tuesday night that made you follow your safety plan? You also mentioned you have been in therapy for four months, what does your therapist suggest considering what's happened recently?
'ducks
