Trying to be nicer?

[chill1986]

It's been 5 months since my break up, I'm doing a lot better. Job is going well. Taken up a few hobbies including golf which I'm enjoying! Generally feeling better about everything.

Since the break up and before for that matter my ex was pretty hostile as I'm sure a lot of you have encountered, but recently by text she's been nicer (not nice, just nicer), but it's thinly veiled, because there still seems to be slight undercurrent of negativity.

I know everyone is different etc but any clues as to why this is?

[LonelyChild]

I know everyone is different etc but any clues as to why this is?

It's a way to regain control. I do not mean this is any demeaning way towards your ex. But she's most likely gaining control again. If you stand your ground, she will try all sorts of tactics; blaming, aggression, helplessness, crying after you, becoming stoic, etc. She's not going to change without years and years and years of therapy (depending on how bad her BPD is).

[chill1986]

Cheers for the insight LC, I hadn't considered that. Stoic is a very apt word to describe her attitude towards me right now. I bought rugby World Cup tickets last year for us and her family, they've just arrived and she thanked me by text, yet expects me to drop them round to her.

I have stood my ground so far and only contacted her when absolutely necessary. So it won't be hard to continue.