Coming Full Circle and Why LC Works For Me

[Beware of Junk Psychology...]

Hi everyone,

I haven't been posting much recently, and really, my status isn't exactly "leaving" anymore (isn't really staying or undecided, either), but I have always posted here before. 

As many of you know, my former friend BPD discarded me back in June, a week after I visited her in the psych ward.  A month later, she sent me a card, telling me she was moving across the country with her boyfriend in mid-September.  Three weeks later, she texted me and told me that they had broken up.  A week or so later, she texted me and asked if she could live with me.  I said she couldn't. 

So, now we come to the two-part subject title of this post.  The first part relates to "coming full circle."  I love women's soccer, and she always asked me to take her to a game, but the timing never worked out.  Back in April, when she was on vacation, we started flirting with each other.  I went to a soccer game on a Saturday night, and she told me that there was "something about me" that she couldn't let go of.  The next night, she told me that she was in love with her boyfriend and couldn't leave him.  I was crushed.  The next time I went to a game was two nights after she was admitted to the psych ward.  Her now ex-boyfriend forgot to take her phone with him that day, and she didn't bother to call me, so I spent the whole day and night worrying about her.  The next game came in the middle of NC, while I was still really struggling.  The game after that came a few days after I received the card from her, which opened up old wounds.  Two days ago, I went to another game.  I texted her to say how many people were there and that I might not ever make it back home.  I got no reply.  The game ended, I drove the two hours back home, and I got out my phone.  While I was driving home, she replied, "How was the game?"  I told her how I had a great time, and she replied, "Yay!"  For months, even though I enjoyed them, soccer games triggered a lot of bad feelings for me, but after Saturday's friendly exchange, they no longer do.

The second part of this post is about Low Contact and why it's been working for me.  Everyone on this board is great, and I've gotten so much good advice, but I also started to realize that I was relying too much on what other people thought was best for me and hadn't actually thought about what is really best for me.  For the past few weeks, I've been exchanging 5-10 texts a week with her, and only one of her replies has been angry.  I didn't engage with that anger, walked away for a few days, and then resumed contact once things cooled down.  I have no intention of being friends with her again, but LC is working for me because I at least know that she's alive and because and I have some information on what she's doing.   

[SummerStorm]

Hi everyone,

I haven't been posting much recently, and really, my status isn't exactly "leaving" anymore (isn't really staying or undecided, either), but I have always posted here before. 

As many of you know, my former friend BPD discarded me back in June, a week after I visited her in the psych ward.  A month later, she sent me a card, telling me she was moving across the country with her boyfriend in mid-September.  Three weeks later, she texted me and told me that they had broken up.  A week or so later, she texted me and asked if she could live with me.  I said she couldn't. 

So, now we come to the two-part subject title of this post.  The first part relates to "coming full circle."  I love women's soccer, and she always asked me to take her to a game, but the timing never worked out.  Back in April, when she was on vacation, we started flirting with each other.  I went to a soccer game on a Saturday night, and she told me that there was "something about me" that she couldn't let go of.  The next night, she told me that she was in love with her boyfriend and couldn't leave him.  I was crushed.  The next time I went to a game was two nights after she was admitted to the psych ward.  Her now ex-boyfriend forgot to take her phone with him that day, and she didn't bother to call me, so I spent the whole day and night worrying about her.  The next game came in the middle of NC, while I was still really struggling.  The game after that came a few days after I received the card from her, which opened up old wounds.  Two days ago, I went to another game.  I texted her to say how many people were there and that I might not ever make it back home.  I got no reply.  The game ended, I drove the two hours back home, and I got out my phone.  While I was driving home, she replied, "How was the game?"  I told her how I had a great time, and she replied, "Yay!"  For months, even though I enjoyed them, soccer games triggered a lot of bad feelings for me, but after Saturday's friendly exchange, they no longer do.

The second part of this post is about Low Contact and why it's been working for me.  Everyone on this board is great, and I've gotten so much good advice, but I also started to realize that I was relying too much on what other people thought was best for me and hadn't actually thought about what is really best for me.  For the past few weeks, I've been exchanging 5-10 texts a week with her, and only one of her replies has been angry.  I didn't engage with that anger, walked away for a few days, and then resumed contact once things cooled down.  I have no intention of being friends with her again, but LC is working for me because I at least know that she's alive and because and I have some information on what she's doing.