Living with the lies...

[Ceruleanblue]

BPDh was going to come home for lunch, but my gut tells me that I got passed over for someone else. Most likely lunch with his kid. Now, I like his son, but I'm sick to death of always being put last with BPDh. Why are priorities so hard for him? Is this a BPD trait or is it just him?

Now, I texted him, wondering why he hadn't shown up, and he didn't really answer me. He dodged. He almost always answers my questions with his own question, or he doesn't really answer the question. That is why I suspect him of lying today. That, and the fact that he lies so very often.

Living with someone who lies so frequently is so damaging to trust, and I don't feel I can ever believe him. He acknowledges that he lies, but he also gets mad when I won't believe him at times.

Has anyone had any luck dealing with this? As in, getting it to improve? I realized it's HIS issue, but it drives me crazy, and makes me feel like he has very little integrity. I know I can only control ME, but aren't there some issues that can be addressed(might create dysregulation) even where BPD is in the picture? Maybe this is one for MC?

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This is issue is last minute canceling of plans?

How often does this happen?

How do you handle it now?

[Ceruleanblue]

Yeah, he just never came home, and I'd waited around for him. I knew he might get tied up, but I think most responsible people would send a text, either way. I feel it's likely more passive aggressive behavior on his part.

He doesn't cancel plans that often, which was why this was surprising. He is however hugely passive aggressive, and he lies lots. So, it really could be either of these at work here. If I were in a normal, healthy relationship, I wouldn't even think to go to such a place in my head, I'd just think "oh, he got tied up and forgot", but life with him has taught me that is rarely the case. He's very responsible and dependable in his chosen ways, and with how he's been behaving lately, this just doesn't seem "accidental".

I handle stuff like this mostly, by not rewarding him by getting upset. I think he wants to see if he can upset me, so I am refusing to take the bait. I did ask him why he didn't show up, but of course, he didn't answer, which is also why I think this was just another one of those head games he likes to play with me. That, or he's withholding telling me that he chose lunch with someone else over me.

Either way, I'm not going to give him the reaction he probably wants or expects.

Is there a better way to handle it? I'm always open to ideas. I'm just trying to make MY life more pleasant at this point, and not make things worse(and he's been in a "worse" phase).