IamMe716, welcome to the Board, despite the circumstances!
Personally I think you are being abused! Abused in a very cruel emotional way!
As from my experiences, the feelings of your partner are transformed into ‘facts’.
So in that way it is very difficult to change his feeling.
Techniques can be learned (see this Board) to communicate in a healthy or healthier way (techniques like SET ).
It takes time and a lot of effort/practise.
As for now I would guess that you start to set boundaries, boundaries for your own health AND that of your baby! Doing so will cause, for certain, a clash with your partner. Please read lessons, right side ----------------->
Maybe for now (being a few days before giving birth) tell him in a firm but not emotional way to stop about this subject as you (in fact both) need to concentrate on birth (he can address his ‘concerns’ a few weeks after birth…) Avoid at any costs to be pulled into his discussion (walk away for example).
As for seeing your family, just GO!
Do not let him isolate you, that is a behaviour many pwBPD and NPD exhibit, ending up in total control and leaving you in a desperate dependent position wondering your own sanity!
I dont have any friends to keep any thoughts from entering his head, I dont go anywhere to show him he has nothing to worry about. I rarely even see my family anymore cause he gets concerned that i may be seeing some dude instead of seeing my family. I just want some advice on what I should do, I cry on a daily basis because I can't think of anything else, & i know if this continues our relationship won't. I dont want to loose him and I don't want him to life with these thoughts in his head. He even put this spy thing on my phone that shows him everywhere i go through gps, all my text messages, call logs, emails, even browser history, photos, contact information. everything. when i saw he put this on my phone, months after. I had the option of turning it off and deleting it, but decided if it makes him feel more comfortable might as well leave it. Several times he has woken up saying he has dreams about me cheating on him, and it hurts. I have no one to talk to about this and need some advice. Please... .
I see a lot of
HIM, to let him feel more comfortable... .
As example of my experiences. Back in the 90ties when mobiles became mobile, both, exw and me, bought one,
Hers was… private… Mine was… ‘for all/for her too’… Huh, really?
So what I did (yes confrontational, evolving in a big clash!) was that I openly took her phone, opened it and started reading a message loud.
As bit by a snake… exw’s wanted to grab her phone, didn’t succeed.
So I gave her a choice: private – private of for all – for all… for all it became (of course! 1st it became HER choice, 2nd SHE can’t control HER curiosity…)
Don’t understand me wrong, I don’t want to hurt nor invalidate!
Maybe part of it is against your nature of doing, pick what you feel comfortable with.
Many others on this section (Staying Board) will have better advice as they are still in their r/s, while I am out after a 30+ yrs. and my techniques might be fading.
One thing however I learned is that although sometimes very hard, I had my boundaries that exw tried to cross many, many times, but faced many, many times firm boundaries.
Hope you will give birth to a wonderful, beautiful and healthy baby!
