i did pretty well today self care

[SurfNTurf]

First off, please excuse typos, im on a tablet that has a mind of its own.

A few weeks ago, i noticed a pattern.  My uBPDhusb pushes me away on my days off work, or avoids me. After much reading and reflection, i no longer wait for him to push me away but get on with myday. Today he stuck around for a little bit, to set up a tantrum. I didnt take the bait, so he went to the garage (where its 102-degrees... .) i thougjt, "ha, i f you can toleratethe heat, have fun" and went to my sewingroom and wormed on a quilt for 4 hours. I had a great time. He came indoors, he lasted 4 hours in the hot garage. He wanted to know why i wasnt maling dinner, i said, "i dont cook for people who treat me badly and pick fights with me, that would be really codependent of me." He opened a can of soup n made a sanfwich... .didnt offer me any. U wasnt snarky, just matter of fact.

Hes still watching tv and avoiding me, but at least i feel i coped well today and took care of me. One day at a time tho, tomorrow could b a different story.

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[Hope26]

Bravo SurfNTurf!  You indeed did very well.  We have to learn to protect ourselves and take care of ourselves.   They are forever trying to 'set up tantrums' and however you do it, not taking the bait is good.  I've just endured a tantrum myself, and as far as my uBPDh knows, I did not react.  I'm getting better at not letting myself get torn up emotionally.   I am also realizing though that the love may be slipping away, bit by bit.  This disease is SO incredibly difficult to deal with.  Good luck to you!

[SurfNTurf]

thanks Hope! 

I noticed the very next day he was on his very best behavior. Now, I don't expect that to last, and it's a weight off my shoulders to not have expectations, and it allowed me to enjoy being 'in the moment' when he was on better behavior.

He even apologized when, yesterday (his better behavior day) he put off going to do his errands until late in the day. I reminded him dinner would be ready at 1800, (stuff in the oven, etc.) he said okay. He left the house at 1700, and I went about my business. At 1800, I sat down for dinner. By myself. Washed up after myself. Put the leftovers in the fridge. He got home at 1930, and there I was, in my sewing room. He said, "when's dinner?" I said, ":)inner was at 1800." He said, ":)id you eat?" I said, "Yes." and wasn't snarky at him or anything, just very matter of fact. He just said, "oh... ." and reheated his leftovers, cleaned up after himself, ran the dishwasher  and then apologized for missing dinner. Considering I never, NEVER, get an apology, I was impressed. For this day anyway.