Update with my motion to get a parent coordinator and more therapy notifications

[momtara]

So my ex scared away our second parent coordinator and I filed a court motion for us to get a new PC, more frequent notifications of his therapy, and to enjoin him from canceling doctors' appointments. My L said he will just plead poverty about the PC. But we are saying in our motion that he has emotional problems and opposes all medical decisions, and we clearly need a PC to help us. He responded trying to say I was controlling, manipulative, withhold the kids, etc. He also claimed I make dr's appointments without him, and gave an example. I provided an email convo clearly asking him when to make that specific appointment he referred to, and our PC meeting's summary mentioned it too.

Our response will clearly show that he makes things up. But my L didn't submit copies I have of phone records and things that show he's harassed me on and off for two years, and other things to show that I foster a good relationship with him and the kids. Maybe she didn't think we need it. I don't know. She gives me one-word answers in emails.

This weekend ex came to get the kids and told me that we're not going to court, that the judge will decide based on our written evidence and if we don't like the decision then we go to court. I wish my L would tell me these things! (If true.)

Ex also asked for dinners once a week with the kids in his response. I read up and yes he is allowed to ask for things completely unrelated to the original motion.  I had told him before it's something we can discuss with a PC, but my L didn't include this. We did have a limit of 10 pages on our response. I said in the response that he starts fights and yells at me when he calls for the kids. Hopefully that's enough for judge to not give him anything new, but weekly dinners may sound reasonable to the judge since I haven't proven any of his problems.

We do have reports from 2 pc's included, if the judge reads them, but I don't know if she will. She's supposedly a tough judge.

So I don't know. I'm not so scared. Ex has suddenly been on best behavior (which tends to make me ease up, and I have to remember that usually this is only temporary). The worst that happens is that the judge says no to my request for a PC and more frequent therapy notifications, and gives ex weekly dinners. The dinners may disrupt the kids' schedules but it could be worse.

I think the strongest part is that our second PC recommended we get a new one and he pays half. So hopefully the judge won't get pissed off at me and think I'm being controlling.

I feel relieved that I at least did something to respond to his harassment at pickups and on the phone. I think encouragement from this board helped. I just wish my lawyer had put in more to show the pattern.

My ex asked for me to have a psych exam, by the way. I said I will if he will.

Thinking about it, it seems odd that the judge would rule based on these written responses without asking questions or having us in court. Sometimes my ex says things like this and the info turns out to be true and my L never told me, so 50 percent chance he's correct and 50 percent he's making stuff up.

[momtara]

My L said she checked, and we are supposed to be in court on Friday. Guess ex-H was lying. Why do I still fall for it?  Well, sometimes he does tell the truth and my L is wrong, so I will likely stay confused.

[david]

I have not responded to a single email from my ex in the last 6 or 7 weeks. There was nothing in them about our kids that needed a reply. I do read the emails and they are full of inconsistencies and outright lies. When she first ran away in 2007 I always tried to set the record straight by replying with the truth. That led to back and forth emails. Engagement. I learned to limit my responses to things that pertained to our kids and 3 to 5 sentences at most.

It does take time to "get" what my ex is saying in her emails. The last 6 weeks I believe she is having a crisis of some sort. She is in a woe is me or victim mode. She has contacted her older sons (my SS's) and they have talked to me about it. They basically said they believe she is looking for attention. They keep their distance. One is NC and the other is LC.

Expect your ex to settle outside of court. Stand firm for what you think is best and stick with your list. If you do get in front of a judge stay calm and focused. Your atty may not have provided everything, as mine does, so if we actually go to court he has things he can introduce that the other party has no clue about. It's harder to defend those positions especially if you have the facts on your side and the evidence.

I never questioned my ex about inconsistencies when we were married so that was something that worked for her in the past. It doesn't work anymore and I don't believe she has any way to adapt and that is why she still says things that are simply untrue.

[momtara]

Interesting! I wonder what kind of crisis she is having. Well, everyone needs attention sometimes.

Yeah, maybe my L is holding on to some of her cards. I think we're in a good position. Ex will probably settle but he may just gamble in court, falsely believing he has a shot. (Or maybe he does). I guess we'll find out Friday... .until they postpone.