Focusing on the positives

[Pina colada]

I would love to read some of the blessings you have in your life.  We have all been dealt a heavy hand with the BPD person in our lives, so, I decided to write about all the good and positive things in my life:

I am blessed with close relationships to the other non BPD members in my immediate family.  I have gotten to know family members, cousins, aunts, uncles I never knew as a child!  They have welcomed me with open arms and we get together for a "cousins club" once a month.  My dear aunt is not doing well, dementia, but I visit her often and I adore her!  I have a fulfilling job, great friends, and a special person in my life.  Please know, it's not always easy to focus only on the positive, but with the help of an amazing therapist, I am going one day at a time!  Thanks for listening. 

Anyone else want to share?

[HappyChappy]

Great idea Pina. Keep forgetting that counting your blessings every day is a good technique for being cheerier; as is downing a pint of Pina Colada.

I’m most grateful for the fact I’ve healed and that I failed in my suicide attempt as a child. Because it can and does get better, the more emotional mileage we put between then and now.

The silver lining to my BPD upbringing is I developed a sense of humour as a coping mechanism, so I’m able to laugh myself to sleep most nights. But also make a bit of pin money out of a hobby I love. I have also unknowingly avoided people with a PD and managed to avoid a number of risky situations as a result. Which is a blessing. When I was in management I had to deal with Unions and they used Narcisstic trickery and vagary (as did some of the Directors) which I managed to counter with evidence and facts. But best of all I have a great wife and kids and finally know what went on in my childhood. "Feed your head" Alice told the door mouse.  

[Pina colada]

Thanks for joining in HappyChappy!  I am grateful your suicide attempt failed, in childhood as well.  You are right.  It does always get better!

I think we, the non deserve to talk about the good in our life and as you did, the good that cn come out of having a family member with BPD/NPD.  It does sound like you can spot it a mile away!  It also sounds like you have put your coping skills to use in your job, another plus!

I agree with you that dealing with my BPD sibling has helped me learn the signs in others.  That has helped me make better choices in my life... .

Ahhh, tomorrow is Friday, no work for two days, I will be seeing beloved friends and family too!  And perhaps a Pina Colada... .right?  We deserve a break.  We deserve happiness.  We don't have to let their negativity destroy us.  We rock!

[Kwamina]

Hi Pina Colada

Thanks for starting this lovely thread! I am glad to hear you also have so many positive things in your life and are also able to see that and appreciate those things

Sometimes we can indeed get stuck in a sort of mental filter in which all our focus and attention goes to the negativity in our lives. It can then really help to remind ourselves of all the good things we have in our lives too. Making a list of these things can be very helpful so when you might find yourself focusing on the negativity again, you can then look at this list to help you 'snap out of it'.

One of the most positive elements in my life were my two pet parrots growing up. Though they aren't with me anymore, the memories remain and I even still dream about them sometimes in which it's just like they are still here. During some of my most difficult years growing up with my uBPD mother, I had my parrots and they brought some positivity also to my uBPD mother who actually also adored them.

Something in my current life that I really like is not so much my job (  ), but the fact that as a result of my job I've gotten to write and publish articles about things I'm interested in.

[Pina colada]

Thank you Kwamina for adding to this fun and uplifting thread!  Pets indeed can help us and heal our soul.  They are always there for us!  Do you ever think of getting another parrot or bird or pet?  I know one day soon I hope to acquire a bulldog... .I am obsessed!

Congratulations on being published!  That is a major accomplishment that no one can take away!

As for today, the weather here is AWESOME!  I have some big and positive changes happening in  my life.  As I mentioned before, connecting with relatives has helped me so... .I am so proud and awed by my kids too!  They are on the path to greatness... .sorry for the brag!

One of the biggest things I have done for myself is walk away from a toxic situation regarding BPD in my life.  I refuse to waste my time with the negativity there.

We can only control ourselves, so my life is my life and I will concentrate on the people and things that are important to me.

I hope more people can add to this! 

[Kwamina]

Pets indeed can help us and heal our soul.  They are always there for us!  :)o you ever think of getting another parrot or bird or pet?

Well I've at times thought about getting another parrot but it didn't feel right to me. Perhaps in the future but not now. I was very attached to my last two parrots, especially since they were with me through the most difficult years with my uBPD mother.

I know one day soon I hope to acquire a bulldog... .I am obsessed!

Since you really want this so much, I hope you do soon get to expand your family with a bulldog My parrots were my little family-members too.

Congratulations on being published!  That is a major accomplishment that no one can take away!

Thanks Pina Colada!

Great to hear that you have these positive changes happening in your life and are concentrating on the things you can control

It's ok to brag about your kids! It's clear that you are very proud of them.

See you around!