Stalking

[GreenEyedMonster]

Lou12, I think that you need to expand your ideas about "abandonment."  You think it's about just not having a significant other or being dumped, but abandonment might mean something else to a different person.  For example, my ex didn't equate abandonment with being dumped; for him it was a more a matter of being criticized or told he was a bad person.  He is not the type of BPD who wants to be in a relationship no matter the costs.

I think the smear campaign is a clear indication that my BPD's defense mechanisms are hitting a rough patch.  He needs to find allies to hate me so that he feels justified in doing so as well.  It's hard to feel good about hating someone when they're being as kind to him as I am being.  I think he knows, probably consciously, that he is being a total jerk and that his hate for me is misplaced, but he can't let go of it yet.

A pwBPD keeps track of his or her potential bonding partners all the time.  If a pwBPD is repeatedly hurt or rejected by you, he or she will rule you out as a bonding candidate.  In my opinion, the stalking slows down or stops at this point.  Yours probably still considers you to be a bonding partner, but eventually the cycle of rejection will rule you out, as perpetual failure at relationships feels like being repeatedly thrown against an electric fence. 

Mine has only had one rejection experience with me and is still actively checking on me every few days.  That's a "good" sign, if you consider recycling to be good. 

[Lou12]

Yes I'm probably thinking about how my BPD would react to your situation and then applying it to you.

My BPD was the same in that he didn't just see being dumped as abandonment. He wouldn't be in a relationship at any cost and triggered with criticism or being told he was bad but I saw this as a defence mechanism he put in place to reject me if any of the afore mentioned occurred. So it appeared it was all down to abandonment sensitivity or getting dumped as you put it.

Yes I think you could very well be right  x

[Lou12]

Oh missed the last paragraph. I think you are right about that to!

I haven't had any rejection experiences with my BPD yet I don't think but I know the phones calls and social media stalking are increasing because I'm not reacting.

He's presently lying on a beach in a hot country on holiday and constantly watching my social media! Crazy!

[GreenEyedMonster]

I haven't had any rejection experiences with my BPD yet I don't think but I know the phones calls and social media stalking are increasing because I'm not reacting.

Likewise.  I have disappeared for a week -- using a false account -- and mine has suddenly started checking some very obscure lists that I only rarely visit.  I'm getting to him

So true -- what they can't have, they want.