Her new man keeps calling me

[VIDEO: "What is parental alienation?"]

Ok, so my life has gotten to this point bc i have allowed it to.  To make long story short im 32. I have been married for 3 years. I have lived in a seperate home with my parents for over a year. My wife is beautiful and my stepdaughter is too.  But both of these people are extremly sick with BPD among other isdues. My wifes dad was never there for her when she was a vhild. This has resulted in her disrespecting the man in her life with every move.  You can change the man but the result will always be the same. Insanity.

My wife lies. She has lied about everything from having a brain tumor and dying to telling everyone she knows and i know that i abuse her.  My wife only tells what i can prove i know if confronted with something. For instance my wife was married previously. She did not tell me this. The man beat her and drug her down the road by her hair. This man invested everything into her and in the end, to hurt him she went out with his brother a year older than him.  She got his name tattoed on her to get back at him and dated his brother. Now i do not condone violence but this is your WIFE...   and she is doing this just to hurt you. Noone knows how they would snap.

Disrespect. Every word. Infront of u or behind u... its always disrespect towards the one man that is chosen to be the man in her life. She has threatened to take my child from me inwhich we do not share but i raise and love daily. She has created so much drama for me at my job that i lost my job and have nothing. She recently was sending her ex unappropriate photos to him in prison and when confrobted with this she popped all 4 of my nice tires on my mustang.   She added everyone i have ever known and went through the process of telling everyone i beat her and that i have herpes and god knows what else.  Basicly shes a b___ and therea alot of men out there that are b___es too. She sends inappropriate pics and sexta to ppl i worked with. Basicly everyone loves when she is on a rage so they can get whatever they can.

I dont hang with friends. She hangs with everyone i have ever known goes to their house watches movies etc but then feels hurt when i assume shes having sex. She lives in my home and has destroyed that aswell. It is disgusting to see the filth she lives in. Before i met her i had remodeled my entire home. Had custody of my child with a clean record, had a 100k a year job... .now i have nothing. It is all destroyed.  She blames me tet i tell her every problem ever is all her. Im extremly laid back and i speak of my marriage to noone.   She has lived as a single woman disrespecting me to the core for years.  She cheats on me regularly, the only qualification she looks for in a guy is will it hurt him... .why does she desire to hurt the man that cares so bad? She has litterally made up fake emails to email everyone at my work place that i beat her and i have herpes. She has had child abuser written on my car at work she has popped every tire i own she has destroyed every phone i own she has spray painted on my home and my parents that im a child abuser. She has sent me to jail 3 times successfully for beating her and stabbing her inwhich i had no part in. She self inflicts her own wounds to get me to go to jail many more times byt was unsuccessfull. She plays the entire world against me.  I honor my marriage and speak to noone. I love ger and have devoted my life to her but she doesnt want help.  Help me. I need a friend. Any men in similar situations.

I have been beaten bruised whipped broken a mirror over my head wrecked car humiliated spit on thrown cigerettes at hit punched stripped of my abilities to leave. If there was a hell on earth this would be it. But idk why i still care. I just want to get her help. She understands BPD and accepts it but usually just to get her out of being accountable.  

She puts words in everyones mouths and plays everyobe against me

 . Help

[bpdsucks331]

Ok, so my life has gotten to this point bc i have allowed it to.  To make long story short im 32. I have been married for 3 years. I have lived in a seperate home with my parents for over a year. My wife is beautiful and my stepdaughter is too.  But both of these people are extremly sick with BPD among other isdues. My wifes dad was never there for her when she was a vhild. This has resulted in her disrespecting the man in her life with every move.  You can change the man but the result will always be the same. Insanity.

My wife lies. She has lied about everything from having a brain tumor and dying to telling everyone she knows and i know that i abuse her.  My wife only tells what i can prove i know if confronted with something. For instance my wife was married previously. She did not tell me this. The man beat her and drug her down the road by her hair. This man invested everything into her and in the end, to hurt him she went out with his brother a year older than him.  She got his name tattoed on her to get back at him and dated his brother. Now i do not condone violence but this is your WIFE...   and she is doing this just to hurt you. Noone knows how they would snap.

Disrespect. Every word. Infront of u or behind u... its always disrespect towards the one man that is chosen to be the man in her life. She has threatened to take my child from me inwhich we do not share but i raise and love daily. She has created so much drama for me at my job that i lost my job and have nothing. She recently was sending her ex unappropriate photos to him in prison and when confrobted with this she popped all 4 of my nice tires on my mustang.   She added everyone i have ever known and went through the process of telling everyone i beat her and that i have herpes and god knows what else.  Basicly shes a b___ and therea alot of men out there that are b___es too. She sends inappropriate pics and sexta to ppl i worked with. Basicly everyone loves when she is on a rage so they can get whatever they can.

I dont hang with friends. She hangs with everyone i have ever known goes to their house watches movies etc but then feels hurt when i assume shes having sex. She lives in my home and has destroyed that aswell. It is disgusting to see the filth she lives in. Before i met her i had remodeled my entire home. Had custody of my child with a clean record, had a 100k a year job... .now i have nothing. It is all destroyed.  She blames me tet i tell her every problem ever is all her. Im extremly laid back and i speak of my marriage to noone.   She has lived as a single woman disrespecting me to the core for years.  She cheats on me regularly, the only qualification she looks for in a guy is will it hurt him... .why does she desire to hurt the man that cares so bad? She has litterally made up fake emails to email everyone at my work place that i beat her and i have herpes. She has had child abuser written on my car at work she has popped every tire i own she has destroyed every phone i own she has spray painted on my home and my parents that im a child abuser. She has sent me to jail 3 times successfully for beating her and stabbing her inwhich i had no part in. She self inflicts her own wounds to get me to go to jail many more times byt was unsuccessfull. She plays the entire world against me.  I honor my marriage and speak to noone. I love ger and have devoted my life to her but she doesnt want help.  Help me. I need a friend. Any men in similar situations.

I have been beaten bruised whipped broken a mirror over my head wrecked car humiliated spit on thrown cigerettes at hit punched stripped of my abilities to leave. If there was a hell on earth this would be it. But idk why i still care. I just want to get her help. She understands BPD and accepts it but usually just to get her out of being accountable.  

She puts words in everyones mouths and plays everyobe against me

 . Help

[jq46810]

I really feel for you

I have a pwBPD, bp2 and who knows what else, her mother was schitso and she has demonstrated naursasitic almost

Phycotic episodes at timies. We have been sperated for 5 weeks now and she is back in nz where she came from.

Our relationship was atypical of BPD, the first 6 months i thought was magnificent the next year she floated between depression and  paranoia about me being unfaithful. Then the last year has been insane with fights and arguments  culminating in her destroying all of our friendships, she would go to each of our friends after an argument and paint a picture of being a victum abused depraved and sexually controled. She has managed to remove my drive for life and i am really struggling to provide the love my children need and deserve. In the last six months she has called the police three times and most recently had me charged with a domestic violence order, i never touched her but i did hit ourfront door in frustration afterv one of many of her i am dying statements. The ironic thing is she was at the other end of the house at the time and were i live damage to property is classified as dv, she wouldve known. She then went back to nz and continued to call and threaten all sorts of things if i didnt financially set her up. Unfortunate for her is her threats are shallow as the potential threat of her bp condition being leaked is much more important to her.

Sha has managed to get an apartment and stay on her feet somehow which is worrying to me as like you the only mistake i made was to fall in love and try to support andencourage her to get on her feet and actuslly be the independent connected influentional person that makes things happen as she tells everyone. (BIG MISTAKE)

Now i found out that before me she was being financially supported by a married man who would drop around on weekends. As i said i have no idea how she is supporting herself and my mind is wondering if she has hit him up for money. I confronted her in last nights phone call and asked her if she had been unfaithful she said no but was quiet aggr r sive in her defense. She then accused me of being on chat rooms (to be honest the last thing id want is a woman)

I really feel your pain brother hang in there. I wish i couod say it get easier, the best advice is to go NC but i csnt manage to stay nc my mind starts to wory about her, the only good thing is that she would be using the stories to get support but im sure she is not telling anyone she speaks to me daily.

I too wish i could break out but i find myself obsessing about her. I have sought help but progress is slow. All i can say is take it day by day. Stay busy and surround yourself with friends, real friends will be there.

[waverider]

Where would you like this to go, and why?

What is going to change?

What is in this for you?

We can get stuck in victim and martyr mode, but without a goal or a reason to work things through, things will not change.

A relationship with a pwBPD can seem to totally disable or ability to reason why we are doing it, almost like rabbits in the headlights, we end up just standing there waiting to be run over,simply too overwhelmed to affect anything

Please read through the LESSONS links over on the right, they will start to unpick some of these things and put matters into a more logical perspective.

First order of the day is to regain your own self respect, you have choices.

[bpdsucks331]

Im not staying, nothing is in it for me. This was in the leaving forum and someone moved it to staying.

[waverider]

Im not staying, nothing is in it for me. This was in the leaving forum and someone moved it to staying.

Well at least now you know there is a corner of this site where it is not all "run for the hills" messages.

Leavers who first spent time on staying usually find the leaving easier, to that end once they have left they often have little need for the leaving board.

[bpdsucks331]

I put in my time im leavin and never looking back EVER

[bpdsucks331]

Tonight she was served with the epo around 9. She had her boyfriend inwhich she tells me she dont even know him. She was trying to load my car at the residence on a wrecker flatbed. The purpose of the epo was to end the destruction.   Then her boyfiend calls with threats and finally i was walking to my car and he jumped me.  How crazy.

[Daniell85]

Wow, you have been run through the wringer   I am so sorry, it sounds like utter chaos.

Did you save your car and get her moved out?

[Skip]

A lot has happened in a few days.

We're your support group so we don't want to inflame an already inflamed situation. Hopefully we can help center some of these strong feelings and talk through what is happening.

Getting an Emergency Protective Order [EPO] was smart.  Its also an indication of how serious things have gotten.  I am really sorry for that.

You did a good job of explaining the bad behaviors in the relationship - can you give us a brief history of the relationship (how long, kids, separations, who is living in the house, etc) and maybe a little about what the conflict is about?

Also, is the "guy" an established boyfriend or someone recruited to "white knight" her exit?

Skip

[bpdsucks331]

The "guy" is just some idiot willing.  The only requirement she has is for a man to be able to hurt her previous ma.

An epo was the last resort. Everyone i talk to i just say how much i love my wife. I do love my wife.  My love is GIVEN. and i love my wife. I pray for my wife. I know my wife is a sick sick child.

Our relationship. Well i have a son she has a daughter. From 2 to 4 when we lived under the same roof my son inwich i have full custody of and love was not allowed to speak to me. She would go in rages and grab him and sit in a closet saying things like daddys gonna hurt us etc.  She has an 11 year old daughter that is BPD.  Basicly u could summarize it by there is one chosen man... .the man in her life. And this man is all bad.  100 percent disrespect. Chaos, hate.

I moved out about 1.5 years ago and we have been seeing each other until the last month. Our entire marriage she has cheated and lied. Saturday she wanted to talk. We did so. Well i talked. She texted this number the whole night.  We had sex too...   but im talking and im like u dont ever hear bc ur always on ur phone.

She is self destructive and only wants to destroy me.

I love this lady. She needs help.   But im done.  I have been through none other than insanity. 

Her new man keeps calling me to tell me they are happy and exually active... im like thats awsome... ill pray for u man... .     and he just keeps on and on pestering me.   He did jump me. He was a snake in the grass. I didnt know who he was. But he was punching me and it didnt even hurt so i was like, im just gonna take it... .  the very reason i got the epo being done a few hours after it was served should seal the deal. 

I miss my wife. But i know i cant be the person in her life. I have worked hard at my marriage...    i have never cheated ever wouldnt even think of it... . 

[Mindintatters]

Forget what's wrong with her and leave man. You got to work on yourself and figure out why on earth you want to stay. You have to believe you're worthy of much better. She throws cigarettes at you, cheats, puts you in prison, screws your friends, loses your job, your mind... .Dude, read your post and pretend that it was written by someone else, what would you say to that person? Run, brother run.