more contempt of the court order

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

this past weekend was my weekend and when I picked my daughter up on Friday ex tells me, " I was going to wait until Sunday to tell you but I will tell you now, we are moving this weekend." she didn't give me her new address until 2 hrs before I was to bring my daughter back on Sunday. The order states that we are to give 30 days notice of moving. its only about 5 minutes from her old address but its the principle, she refuses to share any info regarding my daughter. I would let her know if I was moving the minute I knew even if it wasn't in the order

I asked my ex why she didn't let me know sooner, her reply " I don't have to tell you anything" I informed her of what the order says. She claims she was unaware of that  I know for a fact she knows because in the past she told me she read the order front and back.

Will this be another slap on the wrist things in court?

[Eco]

this past weekend was my weekend and when I picked my daughter up on Friday ex tells me, " I was going to wait until Sunday to tell you but I will tell you now, we are moving this weekend." she didn't give me her new address until 2 hrs before I was to bring my daughter back on Sunday. The order states that we are to give 30 days notice of moving. its only about 5 minutes from her old address but its the principle, she refuses to share any info regarding my daughter. I would let her know if I was moving the minute I knew even if it wasn't in the order

I asked my ex why she didn't let me know sooner, her reply " I don't have to tell you anything" I informed her of what the order says. She claims she was unaware of that  I know for a fact she knows because in the past she told me she read the order front and back.

Will this be another slap on the wrist things in court?

[ForeverDad]

Has she notified the court?  I believe the court needs to have her current address.  In my county there is a form to be filed, as in your order, 30 days in advance.

My ex has filed them twice.  The first time was when she moved out of the county.  The second time she was moving back into the county but she marked the box that no one needed to be notified and so the court never told me.  I found out the weekend she was moving.  My lawyer said the issue was moot once she had moved and I knew.

If she hasn't notified court then I guess you might motion that she didn't notify you or the court that she was planning to move.  On the one hand it is a technicality and courts, so strange, seem more willing to act on technicalities.  On the other hand it won't be a big 'gotcha'.  Probably its only lasting value in court would be to document her failure to comply with the terms of the order.  By itself, not that much, but then you could reference it going forward as part of the history of her behavior patterns in future returns to court.

[livednlearned]

It's another piece of evidence about the pattern of her difficult behavior -- fortunately, she isn't moving that far away. Even so, added to other behaviors, it will show that she feels entitled.

You don't want to make a huge deal about it, because it's only 5 minutes away after all. But when you are painting a picture of the difficulties, this will become part of that picture.

Unfortunately, it sounds like she told you in person, so there's no paper trail. She could easily sweep it aside and say "I told you long before we moved."

[Eco]

It's another piece of evidence about the pattern of her difficult behavior -- fortunately, she isn't moving that far away. Even so, added to other behaviors, it will show that she feels entitled.

You don't want to make a huge deal about it, because it's only 5 minutes away after all. But when you are painting a picture of the difficulties, this will become part of that picture.

Unfortunately, it sounds like she told you in person, so there's no paper trail. She could easily sweep it aside and say "I told you long before we moved."

I said my peace to her and left it at that, more evidence is the way I'm looking at it.

Has she notified the court?  I believe the court needs to have her current address.  In my county there is a form to be filed, as in your order, 30 days in advance.

I'm not sure if she has or not

By itself, not that much, but then you could reference it going forward as part of the history of her behavior patterns in future returns to court.

I figured as much.

thanks for the feedback

[whirlpoollife]

It's another piece of evidence about the pattern of her difficult behavior

By itself, not that much, but then you could reference it going forward as part of the history of her behavior patterns in future returns to court.

In my order it says to just notify the prothonotary of any change of address.

Recently my teenage kids came in a half hour late from xh's time... .it was because they were helping him move into a house he bought , first I heard of it. Then he texted me his new address.

Frustrating , there's nothing I can do but document it. More that he instiled in the kids to not say anything to me beforhand.

[livednlearned]

The tricky thing about presenting our cases in court is that we can't seem petty. That's why the patterns of behavior are so important. If we focus on every small thing our ex does, the courts are more likely to think we're the difficult parent. If we focus on the pattern of behavior, and present it that way, the courts are more likely to see that something is not right.

[Eco]

The tricky thing about presenting our cases in court is that we can't seem petty. That's why the patterns of behavior are so important. If we focus on every small thing our ex does, the courts are more likely to think we're the difficult parent. If we focus on the pattern of behavior, and present it that way, the courts are more likely to see that something is not right

That's what I will try and do in court, my lawyer told me last year that it wasn't time to go in yet and to keep documenting. the analogy he used was my case is like a piece of fruit and it wasn't ripe yet, he said we were ready about 9 months ago but I couldn't afford to go to court yet so I kept documenting and I have about double the evidence I had then so I think I'm good to go.

I have a new job now and making more money so I'm almost ready financially

[ForeverDad]

The reason why a pattern of behaviors is important is that the individual incidents will become less and less 'actionable' over time.  I recall being in court when I first separated and the court didn't want to hear about what ex did to me once I got back in time by about 6 months.  Older incidents were considered legally 'stale' or not as actionable.  It's a fine balancing act we are dealing with, wait too little and the court won't see a pattern, wait too long and the older stuff fades into history.  And court will care what the ex did/does to the children more than what the ex did/does to you.

[AlonelyOne]

Has anyone actually found "evidence" to be useful at all?

I find the court just blatantly ignores and refuses to hear any evidence.

[ForeverDad]

At first the court looks for ways to minimize it.  They figure that in most cases (not ours) the emotional tensions and conflict soon subsides.  As an example, a couple weeks after the final decree my ex talked me into trading her day early in the week for mine at the end of Spring Break week.  She had said she was going to take a vacation with son during Spring Break but with that trade and no details or subsequent written notice I figured she'd dropped it.  Well, come Friday I went to get my son from daycare and he wasn't there.  I called her and she said she was already a couple states away.  Eventually I concluded her sister's kids had their Spring Break a week after son's.  Anyway, he missed a week of kindergarten, she never informed school either.

So I was right back in court filing a contempt of court motion.  My lawyer said the court didn't care about a failed personal trade (I learned my lesson and I always tried to get my end of trades completed first) but the failure to give vacation notice was a slam dunk.  Surprise, court rules that she was "not 'technically' in contempt" since the old temp order was no longer in effect and the new post-decree order had only been in effect for a few weeks and she had an "inability to comply" with the 30 day written notice requirement.  Come on, she didn't even try to comply!

After a few more times back in court the court reluctantly noted her issues and behaviors.  When I was trying to custody the court noted that one of her claims was not credible.  When I went back seeking majority time again, the court noted that she was disparaging of father to the child.

So likely at first the court will ignore more or less all but the worst misbehaviors.  From our experience, after you become a more familiar face at court and there is a history of noncompliance you're more likely to get additional help from court with better orders.

My court did say they didn't want to address incidents older than 6 months, they were considers stale or not actionable.  So older documentation would work better as part of a history of obstructive patterns rather than individually.  And minor issues are usually considered one by one, if none are 'actionable' then it all can be ignored/dismissed.

For example, if you call emergency responders on their emergency line and said, "Last year my ex... ." they'd tell you "Then it's not an emergency, call us back when it is an ongoing emergency."

[livednlearned]

Has anyone actually found "evidence" to be useful at all?

I find the court just blatantly ignores and refuses to hear any evidence.

I used evidence in my case and eventually was awarded full custody.

I also had a good lawyer and a good judge.

[rarsweet]

In my order as long as we stay in the same school district we only have to notify upon moving. If it is out of the school district then 60 days notice is required and a court hearing. Even though daughter is a baby I made sure the school district was picked and made sure it was my school district.