Well it's been 2 months or so since breakup . I went no contact a week later. First two weeks I was devastated and crushed. Couldn't eat , no gym, and was calling out of work and crying alone in my house wondering what the heck happened. But I continued my therapy and stumbled upon BPD. I am now 100% sure she is borderline. I forced myself to go out with friends . I went out on a bunch of dates , although most of the time I was thinking about my ex and often felt worse after the date, sometimes even crying on the way home. I thought for sure this was gonna destroy me. My therapist even recommended lexapro. I declined because happiness shouldn't be in a pill. I read up on BPD and came here everyday. It's amazing how most stories mirror mine. But the pain even after a month was still there. I would wake up with anxiety. Would still wonder if she would contact me. I still wanted her back even though she treated me like s$&t.
I eventually Went back to work, forced myself into he gym and got back to running. After a month the sharp pains were gone. I went out with more girls and even had a one night stand which boosted my confidence a little
. I started to realize being out of that relationship was good and being single isn't all that bad. Two months in I no longer think about her all that much. I don't care what she is doing. Her birthday is next week and I could care less. I gave my all to her so she won't be getting a Bday message from me. This Friday I went out with a girl for dinner. I had no expectations for anything. She was beautiful and the date went awesome. We are going out again. First time in a while I realize I could be happy without ex. I went to a wedding solo and talked to friends I haven't seen in a while. The bottom line is today I feel good, I have a ton of energy and could care less about the woman that tore my heart out. I'm not saying I'm completely over it but it's a few steps in the right direction. Today is a good day.
