lies, lies and more lies

[jq46810]

Firstly let me open by saying thank you everyone for your support. This forum has provided light in moments of extreme darkness. We all share the pain and confusion of falling in love with a troubled person.

For those who have seen my previous posts/rants things have continued to change this week.

Background

Fel in love with a girl diagnosed with BP 2.5yrs ago. Started financially supporting her 2.5yrs ago, been trying to motivate her and provide medical, educational and spiritual support, anything that may bring back that girl i had in the first 6mths which may have been an illusion anyway. First 6mths was great, next 12 months she floated between depression and deception lyjng to me constantly whilst maintaining her party habits. These last 12 months have born rage and acusations (of me) of various infideilities culminating 6 breakups and three police episodes the third resulting in me being charged with domestic violence after she had created a fictitious event. She has been gone for 5 weeks and has the support of her old party crew however i am sure when she character assasignating me she isn't telling them she calls me daily. I get her daily hr long rage always the same, ive destroyed her taken her dreamaway from her and mislead her.

Now on that, last night between being yelled at she accused me of lying to her about everything and at that moment i had to say something. I said excuse me last week you called me at 3am drunk claiming she was afraid staying in a womans shelter with no money for food, she also said that if i loved her i would send money, i folded and sent money that night only to find out that she used the money to committ to an apartment the next day. Some would call that extortion but that's mild compared to other things she has done. When i asked her about that, her initial reply was its my money to do with as i see fit (no thank you) and then got reactive stating that id been stalking her. She also said i need to leave her alone and stop calling, i haven't called her in week's.

Overnight the texts from her are "there you go listening to other, nothing changed".  When we were in the relationship she detroyed every relationship  ever i had, i never let her near my kids which her and her friends think is dodgy.

I know what your thinking why am i answering the phone, i don't know. She has been unwell for a long time with the phycologist explaining to me that she has extreme BPD with scitziod tendencies and phycotic episodes. Her choice to go back and party is not working for her as two of her friends have called me to say they are backing away as her stories change all the time.

Now i dont know why i cant detach but i am genuinely fearful for her. In saying that i dont deserve to be option b. She has told me she is not going out looking for men which maybe true but i know if a good financial option came along she would be gone and that i am really struggling with.

I know its nothing i can control but after everything ive done i think I deserve more if any respect than this. Iv ed asked for closure twice each time she has said its over but followed that up with if you loved me and you wanted to work this out youd financially support me. Now a friend asked what i was l Iikely to do, i said this time she needs to apologise or acknowledge to let me get her more help. Chances of that are low but how would i encourage her to see reality her so as to understand that she is raging and escalating. People are fearful for me but im fearful for her

CANT CONTINUE TO SUPPORT THE PARTY, IF I LOOK BACK SHE PROVIDED VERY LITTLE EMOTIONAL SUPPORT FOR ME. THE ONLY TIME SHE WAS FULLY ENGADGED WAS WHEN I WAS SPOILING HER.