she just keeps getting me in to smash me

[jq46810]

My exBPDp left me 5 weeks ago after a very difficult relationship. After a period 2weeks nc she started calling asking for money etc, her tone was starting to settle but i have since found out that at the same time she had created a horror story to her friends in order to gather their sympathy. She lied to me in order for me to send her money however her friends then pushed her to committ to an apartment as previously she would be coming back about now.

Since getting the money and apartment she sounds empowered and started abusing me again however her rants and abuse started helping me as i could hear for the first time how unwell she is. Now last week the calls started calming she calls at midnight as that's when she takes her medication and none of her friends are around.

Last night her call was vicious and basically said that she hasn't enjoyed one second with me she has always known ive been unfaithful and compulsive liar and she is furious that i ruined her life. Regrettably I mentioned something which triggered her and she then manipulated me to get information.  When we met she lived as a dellusional socialite with a bunch of other people all of which had no money just good looks, for my partner though she managed to secure financial security by becoming the mistress to a nightclub owner so she became queen bee as she could perpetuate the delusion with free champagne for her friends. When he got sick of funding her he kicked her out and i arrived soon there after.

During our relationship she repeatedly thanked me for saving her giving her a loving stable home which was what she craved with her diagnosed BP condition. Things seemed normal for a while then we slide into the BPD cycle of rage fight and flight. Mistankingly after one of our fights i  mentioned that i was tiring from funding her as she has no motivation to do anything but go to lunch look pretty and drink champagne. These fight culminated in her calling the police and creating a dv episode and me being charged. Thus where we are today

Now what i dont understand is her moods are swinging between missing us and hatred for me. She knows that faithfulness is the one thing i could never comeback from however last night i caught her out in a lie, last week she went to her exs bar. Now she said she was forced to go there but i know you cant get her to anything.

I dont think i know this girl clearly she is trying to generate options but keeping me trapped. Can anyone tell me how i might be able to push her so she feels im not going to wait forever.

[enlighten me]

The easiest way to get her attention is to go NC. The question is do you still want to be on the ride?

[jq46810]

Thats the logical question but each time i decide to get off, that girl i feel in love with gets in touch and im back on again. I know that sounds weak but im as much out of control as her. Been pushing away friends work etc for so long I've lost my life. The worst thing is it looks like she is getting on with hers. GOD HELP ME... .

[jq46810]

Do they actually want to get off or do they just string us along for when and if they need us. What's going on in their head

[enlighten me]

If I could answer that question Id be a rich man.