I did something I probably shouldn't have; go ahead and let me have it

[Before you can make things better, you have to stop making them worse...]

I posted earlier my BPD husband came to get his things last night. He was so furious, there was no use in even attempting to talk to him. I do not want to be enemies. In fact, if he was only half so difficult, I would probably still be hanging in there with him.  Anyway, he wanted the handgun he bought me a couple years ago and I angrily handed it over.  I told his friend to tell him to shove it up his a**, if he thought taking it from me was the right thing to do. Apparently Husband thought about it and started to text me throughout the morning. Of course, defending his position because I threw water at him once, he needed to be able to defend himself. I told him he was WRONG. When I got home this evening, they were packed and ready to leave. He voluntarily gave me my gun.  He allowed me to put my arms around his neck and we looked into each other's eyes. It was one of our "things." We shared a tiny kiss. Since he left stuff in my garage, I told him he could come for Thanksgiving dinner, for a visit ONLY, if he wanted to pick more stuff up.  I had also talked to him about therapy.

I know, I know. I should be running for the hills. I truly do not want to live with the rages, the delusions, the narcissim. I wish he would make a commitment to try to get better. If only, if only.  I believe he loves me, as much as any borderline can love another.  Not sure he loves me enough to commit to character changing therapy. I do think I am stronger than ever and can recognize the BPD behavior and attempt to handle it more effectively than in the past.  Now we live in two separate states.

[hollycat]

I posted earlier my BPD husband came to get his things last night. He was so furious, there was no use in even attempting to talk to him. I do not want to be enemies. In fact, if he was only half so difficult, I would probably still be hanging in there with him.  Anyway, he wanted the handgun he bought me a couple years ago and I angrily handed it over.  I told his friend to tell him to shove it up his a**, if he thought taking it from me was the right thing to do. Apparently Husband thought about it and started to text me throughout the morning. Of course, defending his position because I threw water at him once, he needed to be able to defend himself. I told him he was WRONG. When I got home this evening, they were packed and ready to leave. He voluntarily gave me my gun.  He allowed me to put my arms around his neck and we looked into each other's eyes. It was one of our "things." We shared a tiny kiss. Since he left stuff in my garage, I told him he could come for Thanksgiving dinner, for a visit ONLY, if he wanted to pick more stuff up.  I had also talked to him about therapy.

I know, I know. I should be running for the hills. I truly do not want to live with the rages, the delusions, the narcissim. I wish he would make a commitment to try to get better. If only, if only.  I believe he loves me, as much as any borderline can love another.  Not sure he loves me enough to commit to character changing therapy. I do think I am stronger than ever and can recognize the BPD behavior and attempt to handle it more effectively than in the past.  Now we live in two separate states.

[Skip]

I know, I know. I should be running for the hills. I truly do not want to live with the rages, the delusions, the narcissim. I wish he would make a commitment to try to get better. If only, if only.  I believe he loves me, as much as any borderline can love another.  Not sure he loves me enough to commit to character changing therapy. I do think I am stronger than ever and can recognize the BPD behavior and attempt to handle it more effectively than in the past.  Now we live in two separate states.

It doesn't have to be high conflict. 

[valet]

I'm gonna echo Skip here. It will often be difficult, but there doesn't have to be a big show for it all.

A pwBPD will have poor executive functioning, meaning... .their emotions will often outweigh reason in tense situations. Leaving, Staying, or Undecided, our responses to their behaviors can usually be tactful. That's hard, very much so. It takes a lot of patience and self-control, but it can be done!

You can always count on yourself. Stay strong. Deeper clarity will come with more time.