Why email over voicemail?

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

 I find that my ex would often prefer me to email him over voicemail, if it was information like a restaurant address, etc.  I felt hurt, assuming that anyone who asks for an email vs. voicemail wants distance (email can be less personal than the phone?).   

   Or it could just be that if it's an address, it's easier to read and then write it down later from an email, rather than hearing it over voicemail or a live phone call (which can have static or have a distorted voice blocking out part of the address---vs. email which is more definite).

   Anyone else come across this?

[shatra]

 I find that my ex would often prefer me to email him over voicemail, if it was information like a restaurant address, etc.  I felt hurt, assuming that anyone who asks for an email vs. voicemail wants distance (email can be less personal than the phone?).   

   Or it could just be that if it's an address, it's easier to read and then write it down later from an email, rather than hearing it over voicemail or a live phone call (which can have static or have a distorted voice blocking out part of the address---vs. email which is more definite).

   Anyone else come across this?

[EaglesJuju]

Hi Shatra,

I have noticed an overall trend with people preferring texts/emails over phone calls. I do not think it is an isolated BPD thing. Most people have their email set up on their phone, so it is easier to look at the address instead of listening to a voice mail.

Although, I can understand why you would feel as if someone is distancing themselves from you. Did your ex distance himself from you often?

[Notwendy]

I find it much easier to retrieve information through e mail than phone messages. My phone messages fill up quickly and I have to delete them every so often.

If  a person sends me an e mail with a new address, I just put in "(person's name) address" in the email and I can find it.

It isn't a personal thing or distancing for me. I would rather have this information so I can keep it and pull it up as needed. Also seeing it seems less likely to make an error than trying to listen to a phone message.

As EaglesJuju said, it would be other behaviors that I would take as distancing, so I understand that you would feel this way if your ex was acting distant as well as not wanting phone messages.

[bananas2]

With my BP Husband, I am the one who asks for texts instead of voicemail. That way, it is easier to show him in black & white exactly what he said when later on he insists he never said such a thing. Altho, that hasn't been working too well lately bc he says he was speaking into his phone to create the text and the phone didn't interpret his message correctly. (Yeah, sure). Ugh. He refuses to email bc he knows that would hold him accountable for his words.

[shatra]

Thanks for the feedback

Once had mox wrote:  he says he was speaking into his phone to create the text and the phone didn't interpret his message correctly.

---I have heard of this happening---the person "talks" into their phone and the phone "interprets" for example,  717 as 707 or "wrote" as "white" etc.  So an email is clearer

Not wendy wrote

seeing it seems less likely to make an error than trying to listen to a phone message.

---You are right.  And many people, as you wrote, find it easier to retrieve info through email

Eagles wrote:  it is easier to look at the address instead of listening to a voice mail. ... .Did your ex distance himself from you often?

---Yes it is easier to read an address than "listen" to it. I forgot also that as you wrote, some people have thier email set up right on their phone. 

Yes my ex would distance me at times via the push-pull---sometimes contacting e a lot, and then withdrawing as part of the push pull cycle. I used to take it personally, but learned not to.  Him requesting an email vs. a voicemail sounds like it was not actually distancing, but wanting a more definite, convenietn, clear route of communication