shakes my head

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

Situation that happened this weekend. My undiagnosed narcissistic finace went out of town. But, before she could leave she misplaced her Driver license. She started blaming me for losing it and throwing what I would call a child like tantrum. Rummaging through things and basically leaving a mess. She FINALLY left (thank god some space and peace). Then arrives at her destination constantly texting, messaging and calling me about the license. she accused me of hiding the license because I didn't want her to go out and have a good time. hahahaahahahahah whatever. then the calls stopped.

the returns home sunday and I see the license in her wallet. She tells me she found it in her travel bag. no apologies, no nothing. like it never happened. I don't know how much more of this I can take...

[jasonb]

Situation that happened this weekend. My undiagnosed narcissistic finace went out of town. But, before she could leave she misplaced her Driver license. She started blaming me for losing it and throwing what I would call a child like tantrum. Rummaging through things and basically leaving a mess. She FINALLY left (thank god some space and peace). Then arrives at her destination constantly texting, messaging and calling me about the license. she accused me of hiding the license because I didn't want her to go out and have a good time. hahahaahahahahah whatever. then the calls stopped.

the returns home sunday and I see the license in her wallet. She tells me she found it in her travel bag. no apologies, no nothing. like it never happened. I don't know how much more of this I can take...

[Frog!0707]

Hi,

If this is her normal way of handling stress, your feelings don't even get a look in. I understand the feelings you are having. I've been there before but the behavior was much more extreme. Breaking things, jumping out cars and running away then expecting me to chase after him all day. Its great that you are seeing the behavoir as abnormal.  In the beginning I didn't even realize and I though it was my fault.  Good luck with it all.  There is a lot of support and articles that can help on this site.  

[Silveron]

If you want to save your sanity then do not marry her!  Trust me.  I am married to a BPD wife for 11 years now.  The things she does now will only get worse after marriage.  You will suffer verbal, emotional and physical abuse.  She will have you thinking you are crazy and the way you get treated is 'normal'.  She will use you financially and make it seem like it's your job to support her.  She will act like a teenager every time she doesn't get her way.  She will ruin any sort of holidays, birthdays or special occasions that don't specifically revolve around her only.

Expect any sort of engagement that you two are suppose to attend to, to either be late or become upheaved.  She will make your life extremely difficult.  You will not have a partner in this marriage, you will have someone that will manipulate you.

This is extremely life changing.  If she has BPD (check to see if she has the traits), she cannot be fixed.  You will become her personal emotional punching bag.  You will end up lacking so much because she will be unable to give it.  She will not have a 'wake up' moment.  She is damaged beyond repair.  If she got counseling then she can find ways so that it doesn't happen as often, but it will never go away.

You deserve to be with someone who can show and give love.  BPDs can't.  :)on't try.  Many of us have and failed.  I didn't know about my wife's condition until after marriage, at least you got a warning.  Use that to your advantage and leave the relationship.  I'm not being harsh, i'm trying to save yourself from years of torment.

[jasonb]

silveron: you are right and i'm working on it right now