Was anyone's BPD partner obsessed with their past or extremely jealous?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Hi,

Something that was very strange about my BPD (ex) fiance is he was completely obsessed with my past and past boyfriends.

These are the things he did:

1) He put a tracker on our computer to get my email password, then he logged into my old emails from up to 5 years ago and contacted every single person in my email account (like from dating sites or whatever since I was single) pretending to be me and trying to figure out how many men I slept with or met, etc.

2) He thought he was being 'so smart' going through all my emails as he decided to make a fake email account posing as a woman and he had 'her' send him a list of all the men I dated and for how long. I thought it was my mom who sent him that list since she was the only one who knew everything, so I accused her of it. Eventually he admitted to writing it a year or so later. *Shortly after 'he' received that letter he wrote, my sister's boyfriend who lives across the country received a similar letter that was written in the same format. My ex never admitted to writing it.

3) He bought another computer and put a tracker on it.  I was not aware so I would tell my sister everything that was going on through email, and every time I told her I was going to leave him, he would come to me crying asking if I was going to leave.  I finally realized he had a tracker on the computer and would only talk to my sister through texts.  Then he constantly went through my phone while hiding his.  He always denied going through my phone, even though I installed an app to take pictures whenever my phone was logged into. So I had photo evidence of him looking through my phone every morning and he still denied it.

4)Whenever anyone text me, he would ask who it was, and make a joke about it being my new boyfriend. He usually demanded to see the texts.

5)I was not allowed to have any social media as fights would break out over me spending too much time on the computer 'with other people.'  I was sick and tired of not having Facebook so I rejoined about 8 months ago. He constantly accused me of cheating with the few male friends from grade school I had on Facebook so I deleted them.  He still accused me of wanting them.

6)He banned me from googling anyone from my past like an ex or someone I barely dated.  He actually dumped me a few times over this because I told him I can google whoever I want and it doesn't mean I want to be with them. 

7)He owned a restaurant and I worked there as the manager.  He banned me from texting any employees regarding anything, he banned me from being friendly with any employees and told me I wasn't allowed to speak to the Chef without him being present.  He accused me of wanting to sleep with an employee.

8)He reopened a few of my old email accounts and pretended to be me for 1.5 years to a guy I dated for 6 weeks.  He asked him what he loved doing to me sexually, how much he loved me, ect. 

9)I wasn't allowed to go out with girl friends alone.  I basically lived under a rock for the last 4 years.

10) A few years ago, I looked at my 1st ex's LinkedIn account a week or two before Christmas, and on Christmas my BPD ex looked at the account and saw that.  He didn't speak to me on Christmas and accused me of being in love with my 1st ex.

11)At the restaurant, for my birthday, the staff celebrated by baking me a cake and doing shots.  My BPD was mad at me for something so he was ignoring me on my birthday and was watching my celebration from the security cameras at home.  He came to the restaurant, gave me a dirty look, yelled at everyone for not asking permission to celebrate my birthday, and he said he threw out all my birthday presents.

These are just the ones off the top of my head.  Anyone have similar experiences?

[EmptyShell]

Hi,

Something that was very strange about my BPD (ex) fiance is he was completely obsessed with my past and past boyfriends.

These are the things he did:

1) He put a tracker on our computer to get my email password, then he logged into my old emails from up to 5 years ago and contacted every single person in my email account (like from dating sites or whatever since I was single) pretending to be me and trying to figure out how many men I slept with or met, etc.

2) He thought he was being 'so smart' going through all my emails as he decided to make a fake email account posing as a woman and he had 'her' send him a list of all the men I dated and for how long. I thought it was my mom who sent him that list since she was the only one who knew everything, so I accused her of it. Eventually he admitted to writing it a year or so later. *Shortly after 'he' received that letter he wrote, my sister's boyfriend who lives across the country received a similar letter that was written in the same format. My ex never admitted to writing it.

3) He bought another computer and put a tracker on it.  I was not aware so I would tell my sister everything that was going on through email, and every time I told her I was going to leave him, he would come to me crying asking if I was going to leave.  I finally realized he had a tracker on the computer and would only talk to my sister through texts.  Then he constantly went through my phone while hiding his.  He always denied going through my phone, even though I installed an app to take pictures whenever my phone was logged into. So I had photo evidence of him looking through my phone every morning and he still denied it.

4)Whenever anyone text me, he would ask who it was, and make a joke about it being my new boyfriend. He usually demanded to see the texts.

5)I was not allowed to have any social media as fights would break out over me spending too much time on the computer 'with other people.'  I was sick and tired of not having Facebook so I rejoined about 8 months ago. He constantly accused me of cheating with the few male friends from grade school I had on Facebook so I deleted them.  He still accused me of wanting them.

6)He banned me from googling anyone from my past like an ex or someone I barely dated.  He actually dumped me a few times over this because I told him I can google whoever I want and it doesn't mean I want to be with them. 

7)He owned a restaurant and I worked there as the manager.  He banned me from texting any employees regarding anything, he banned me from being friendly with any employees and told me I wasn't allowed to speak to the Chef without him being present.  He accused me of wanting to sleep with an employee.

8)He reopened a few of my old email accounts and pretended to be me for 1.5 years to a guy I dated for 6 weeks.  He asked him what he loved doing to me sexually, how much he loved me, ect. 

9)I wasn't allowed to go out with girl friends alone.  I basically lived under a rock for the last 4 years.

10) A few years ago, I looked at my 1st ex's LinkedIn account a week or two before Christmas, and on Christmas my BPD ex looked at the account and saw that.  He didn't speak to me on Christmas and accused me of being in love with my 1st ex.

11)At the restaurant, for my birthday, the staff celebrated by baking me a cake and doing shots.  My BPD was mad at me for something so he was ignoring me on my birthday and was watching my celebration from the security cameras at home.  He came to the restaurant, gave me a dirty look, yelled at everyone for not asking permission to celebrate my birthday, and he said he threw out all my birthday presents.

These are just the ones off the top of my head.  Anyone have similar experiences?

[Corgicuddler95]

Well nothing like that but mine had little things.

Even a year into the relationship she kept saying "sorry" for not being girls I had crushes on before we met and sometimes she would bring up minor things I said in like the first month of our relationship as some sort of proof I didnt love her.

I think I heard a lot less of that in the months leading up to the break up as I was being split black.

[Mel1968]

Hi EmptyShell

Your story - this and your other posts- sounds very similar to mine, I certainly understand what you're going through 

My ?ex? is completely obsessed with my past, and jealous of every single human interaction I have. We're a lesbian couple but I used to be with men, so that means she literally can obsess about everyone, no-one is off limits.

I was friendly with a couple of my exes, and some of their family members becasue I've always had amicable break ups and not seen any point in being anything other than friendly. Needless to say I'm not on speaking terms with any of them now. And am still getting attacked about them on a weekly basis becasue I did want to stay friendly with them, I'm secretly in contact with them, I secretly love them... .you get the picture.

I left my long term partner for my BPDex two years ago, but I have refused to say anything bad about her, becasue she hasn't done anything wrong other than not be the right person for me and so my BPDex is completely obsessed about my continued love, devotion, codependency, longing etc etc for her, and dumps me on a regular basis becasue of the fictitious affairs.

I didn't know there was a tracker for a computer, I don't think that's what she uses but she does know far more about me and my movements and correspondance than you'd expect someone to know,and I've often wondered how she does it. As for FB, it is the bane of my life- I've been dumped most times someone tags me in a post, for having someone I was at primary school with wish me a happy birthday, etc etc... .I try not to be Friends with her, but you can imagine how well that goes... .

As for jealousy and controlling who I can and can't be friends with... Basically I cant. I've taken a stance in recent months becasue I realised that I would never be able to make my world small enough for her, and so I do now occasionally go out, but I am dumped every single time I do, and then punished with silent treatment and an escalation of name calling and lies about my moral character... .

I have to say that reading your posts about the jealous obsessions and name calling, it's really brought me up short. I think you should feel really proud of yourself for breaking away. The things that you've experienced are horrible, as are the things I've experienced / am experiencing.  I still keep going from board to board, and hanging on in there in the belief that if I just do that... .just say this... .Knowing all along its nonsense really. Be strong!

[EmptyShell]

Hi - that's what would happen to me - silent treatment for days and he was a 48 year old man!  I would get away from her if I were you, it never gets better... .4 years and it only got worse.

Hi EmptyShell

Your story - this and your other posts- sounds very similar to mine, I certainly understand what you're going through 

My ?ex? is completely obsessed with my past, and jealous of every single human interaction I have. We're a lesbian couple but I used to be with men, so that means she literally can obsess about everyone, no-one is off limits.

I was friendly with a couple of my exes, and some of their family members becasue I've always had amicable break ups and not seen any point in being anything other than friendly. Needless to say I'm not on speaking terms with any of them now. And am still getting attacked about them on a weekly basis becasue I did want to stay friendly with them, I'm secretly in contact with them, I secretly love them... .you get the picture.

I left my long term partner for my BPDex two years ago, but I have refused to say anything bad about her, becasue she hasn't done anything wrong other than not be the right person for me and so my BPDex is completely obsessed about my continued love, devotion, codependency, longing etc etc for her, and dumps me on a regular basis becasue of the fictitious affairs.

I didn't know there was a tracker for a computer, I don't think that's what she uses but she does know far more about me and my movements and correspondance than you'd expect someone to know,and I've often wondered how she does it. As for FB, it is the bane of my life- I've been dumped most times someone tags me in a post, for having someone I was at primary school with wish me a happy birthday, etc etc... .I try not to be Friends with her, but you can imagine how well that goes... .

As for jealousy and controlling who I can and can't be friends with... Basically I cant. I've taken a stance in recent months becasue I realised that I would never be able to make my world small enough for her, and so I do now occasionally go out, but I am dumped every single time I do, and then punished with silent treatment and an escalation of name calling and lies about my moral character... .

I have to say that reading your posts about the jealous obsessions and name calling, it's really brought me up short. I think you should feel really proud of yourself for breaking away. The things that you've experienced are horrible, as are the things I've experienced / am experiencing.  I still keep going from board to board, and hanging on in there in the belief that if I just do that... .just say this... .Knowing all along its nonsense really. Be strong!

[cyclistIII]

YES! Not my most recent ex (the one I'm grieving now) but my ex-husband from twelve years ago. He was OBSESSED with people I'd been with before I even met him, and slowly over time actually managed to feel ashamed of my past.

I would wake up and find that he had left our bed and gone to sleep on the couch, and I'd go talk to him and he'd say "I had a dream about you and [guy I hooked up with]" just out of the blue for no reason. And he became obsessed with wanting to know every detail, and then somehow decided that I had wanted this guy more than I wanted him, which made no sense and was just crazy but at that time I didn't have any understanding of his illness so I did everything I could to try to reassure him. Which never worked... .yeah. It was pretty awful. I'm glad it was a long time ago... .

[Herodias]

Yes, mine was jealous of my last boyfriend. Since he saw him as the "father" of my dog... .it was kinda weird now that you mention it. Did that with dreams too... .the jealousy.

[enlighten me]

Yes, mine was jealous of my last boyfriend. Since he saw him as the "father" of my dog... .it was kinda weird now that you mention it. Did that with dreams too... .the jealousy.

Funny you mention dreams. I cant remember if it was my ex wife or exgf but one of them woke up one morning and had a go at me because she had dreamt that I was flirting with another woman. I tried explaining that I cant help what she dreams about but still spent the rest of the day in the dog house.