my ex and i broke up four and a half years ago. in the immediate aftermath i had dreams nightly for a week or two. they tapered off but id have the occasional one. i came here half a year ago and ive had dreams almost once a month.
thankfully, when i wake up and remember them these days, theres no emotional weight, but it does underline for me the fact that we have been through traumatic experiences and it takes very little to dig that up.
our brains have a tendency to do this. it is the natural processing of trauma, and some of it feels unnecessarily painful. sometimes its a symptom of depression when our brains go into "garbage truck" mode and seem to deliberately think about and recall things in the most painful possible terms.
you say you had your last text exchange six weeks ago and that she tends to reach out after six to eight, so it seems natural to me that this dynamic would be weighing on your mind unconsciously, consciously, or both. theres a certain conditioning and expectation that may be going on.
if she does reach out, how do you intend to respond?
If it does happen, I'll need to see what she has to say. I'd probably respond because, frankly, I think it is simply rude not to respond, BPD or not. I am in a much more stable condition than I was a year ago. She reached out to me 6 weeks or so after disappearing on me and it just had a violent effect on me. I pretty much came unglued for a couple of days. Last time she reached out? It was late at night, I was getting ready to go to bed, so I looked at the messaged and went to bed and responded at my convenience the next day.
The whole reason I went LC with her was because I kinda sorta didn't want to believe that she might be BPD. You know, one of those things that you almost refuse to accept. And the longer I stayed in LC and compared what I saw and heard from her with what I learned about PDs, the more apparent it was that, unfortunately, it is what it is. I have said it many many times - I will not get involved with somebody who has mental issues, no matter which flavor. A PD won't an exception to this rule.
