So I had a heart attack...

[workinprogress]

Late Friday Night/Saturday Morning.

I'm back home now and I am just stunned by everything.

I had no blockages or anything.  I had been working out regularly.

I happened to get a virus that attacked my heart.  Go figure.  My heart is now severely weakened, it's at 15%.

From the data I read, I have a 50% chance of making it within the first year of this happening.

I guess I'm really going to have to start at the ground floor to get my life going again. 

[toddinrochester]

Wow Work! I am sorry to hear that. I know its hard to feel empathy on the internet but if you need to talk, I am here for you.

[eeks]

Hi, workinprogress.  I am so sorry to hear this.  I imagine it must come as quite a shock. 

Please come and talk here whenever you need to... .let us know how the physical and emotional process is going.  Also, I'm hoping you have family and friends there to help you, and/or counselling, support groups, etc. 

[Lucky Jim]

Hey W-I-P, So sorry to hear.  On the bright side, you're still with us, which is a good thing.  Maybe, just maybe, the experience will help you focus more on what is most important (sorry if that sounds trite).  It must be stressful for you living with the 50/50 prognosis over your head.  Hang in there and keep us posted (literally).  LJ

[lbjnltx]

So sorry to hear this WorkinProgress.   

Please take care and let us know how you are getting along.

Prayers for strength and peace for you.

lbjnltx

[workinprogress]

Thanks Todd.  You know, I don't think I was really seeking empathy or anything.  I just wanted to express the situation to somehow let it sink in to my head.  If I need to talk I will contact you.  Thanks!

Eeks, thank you.  While I was in the hospital I had many family members come and visit me.  It was very nice.  I have to add that the staff at the hospital were fantastic!  The nurses, doctors and assistants all were kind and courteous.  It was almost a pleasant stay.  LOL

Lucky Jim, I know being alive is the good thing.  It's strange how quickly one's life can change.

Ibjnftx, I am doing okay.  I am trying to relax and allow myself to heal.

I am so used to being proactive in my life to get results.  I recall my last conversation with the doctor before I left the hospital.  I said, "I will do everything I can to strengthen my heart."

The doctor said, "you can't do anything right now.  It's the medication."

So, I have to learn to trust in the unkown I guess.

Meanwhile, my elderly parents have been bouncing off the walls (so to speak) over recurrent minor health issues.  My dad visited me at home last night and I felt a great tension grow inside of me.  I feel bad about it.  They have been trying to convince me that they are dying for the last 40 years.  Meanwhile, I was waiting for my heart to pop one last time while he was visiting me.  It's crazy.

[justnothing]

Meanwhile, my elderly parents have been bouncing off the walls (so to speak) over recurrent minor health issues.  My dad visited me at home last night and I felt a great tension grow inside of me.  I feel bad about it.  They have been trying to convince me that they are dying for the last 40 years.  Meanwhile, I was waiting for my heart to pop one last time while he was visiting me.  It's crazy.

Um… I know the doctor said that it’s all up to the medication… but considering this… maybe it would be a good idea to avoid contact with your folks for a while, all things considered? Right now your health is more important than them or their feelings I’d say…

Either way I hope you get better soon…

[workinprogress]

Meanwhile, my elderly parents have been bouncing off the walls (so to speak) over recurrent minor health issues.  My dad visited me at home last night and I felt a great tension grow inside of me.  I feel bad about it.  They have been trying to convince me that they are dying for the last 40 years.  Meanwhile, I was waiting for my heart to pop one last time while he was visiting me.  It's crazy.

Um… I know the doctor said that it’s all up to the medication… but considering this… maybe it would be a good idea to avoid contact with your folks for a while, all things considered? Right now your health is more important than them or their feelings I’d say…

Either way I hope you get better soon…

Thanks, things are building up, so I'm going to vent.  I got rejected by my wife again this morning.  I have had endless paperwork trying to get my short term disability to kick in, I'm lonely, I'm frustrated.  

I think my whole life has been a failure.  I don't know what to do to change it right now.  I can't work out.

I had to pass up two promotions because my wife wouldn't move.  Those promotions would have changed my life so much.  Instead, I'm here living in this little town for 48 years that I never liked to begin with (childhood crap).

I feel like such a failure.

I guess I need to call a therapist or something.

[workinprogress]

 My youngest kid surprised me by making my favorite dessert for me.  It was so touching.

[lbjnltx]

That is so sweet!  No pun intended. 

Life, all in all, is about relationships.  Tending to the ones we want to keep and letting go of the ones that are harmful, even if temporarily.

One of the most important relationships we have in life is with ourselves.  Please tend to it. 

[Tibbles]

Hi - so sorry to read about your heart. My ex had something called heart failure and his was working at 22%. Maybe yours is the same thing so I'd like to give you some of the info that helped us, hoping it will help you.

1. We are in Australia, don't know where you are. The emergency cardiologist gave my ex 6 weeks to live. We got back to our home town and saw a brilliant specialist cardiologist who said:  1/3 get better - full recovery, 1/3 stay the same, 1/3 don't make it - the odds are in your favour.

2. The drugs they have now are brilliant. We were discussing his condition in the taxi home from the hospital and when we got home the taxi driver said he was on the same drug and he had 1 valve in his heart working and now he has all four - have faith in the drugs. The drug was dilitren - (spelt phonetically cause I'm hopeless at spelling). Plus a whole heap of other drugs - it seems its about getting the mixture of drugs right.

3. My ex's went from 22%, to 35% and is now at a normal 55%. We had a few checks where there was no change but then it started to recover. Don't loose hope - it may take awhile but the drugs need time to do their stuff.

4. My ex didn't get it from a virus. Cardiologist said its caused by a virus, stress or alcohol. Apparently in some people alcohol attacks the heart and not the liver. He did two things to help him feel he was helping himself while we waited to see what would happen. Stopped drinking, he was a big drinker and hasn't drunk since, and lost weight, he was very over weight. Has put it all back on now . So we did things that help the heart - no salt, no fat, pure clean living. Made him feel as if he had some control over the process.

Hope some of that helps. It's a lot to get your head around so if you want any more info, please ask. 


Big thing - take care of you. Maybe all the other stressors in your life need to go on the back burner while you look after you. Easier said than done I know but if there was a time to put yourself first, it is now. x x x x x x x x x

[justnothing]

I think my whole life has been a failure.  I don't know what to do to change it right now.  I can't work out.

I had to pass up two promotions because my wife wouldn't move.  Those promotions would have changed my life so much.  Instead, I'm here living in this little town for 48 years that I never liked to begin with (childhood crap).

I feel like such a failure.

When life offers you nothing but two unideal choices and you make an unideal choice… that is not a failure and it doesn’t make you a failure. Even if in retrospect it seems like there might have been more pros if you’d have made the other choice, remember that it still seemed like the right choice at the time… in other words; you did your very best with the information and resources (physical, emotional, etc’) that you had at the time… and that doesn’t make you a failure.

P.S. About the issue of not knowing how to change your condition right now and not being able to work out… personally I don’t have a heart condition but I did have a rather bad period a few months back where I got hospitalized 5 times in a row, over the course of two months, for another medical condition… and I know how emotionally upsetting that can be for someone who’s used to trying to always be in control. When crap like that happens I think it might be best to just focus on taking it easy and getting passed that period. Everything else can wait until later.

[Lucky Jim]

Hey W-I-P, You're not a failure; you've just figured out some things that don't work for you.  You can still find your path.  Agree w/Ibjntx: it starts with loving and accepting yourself, just as you are.  Now is a good time to improve your r/s with yourself.

LuckyJim

[workinprogress]

That is so sweet!  No pun intended. 

Life, all in all, is about relationships.  Tending to the ones we want to keep and letting go of the ones that are harmful, even if temporarily.

One of the most important relationships we have in life is with ourselves.  Please tend to it. 

Will do. 

It's amazing how a couple of days can change your perspective.  I visited the doctor yesterday, they didn't dive too deeply into my heart, but they said everything sounded good and my ekg was good!

I have been resting.  If I get tired, I lay back down and go to sleep.  I never really had much of a chance to rest in my life.  I kind of like it. 

[workinprogress]

Hi - so sorry to read about your heart. My ex had something called heart failure and his was working at 22%. Maybe yours is the same thing so I'd like to give you some of the info that helped us, hoping it will help you.

1. We are in Australia, don't know where you are. The emergency cardiologist gave my ex 6 weeks to live. We got back to our home town and saw a brilliant specialist cardiologist who said:  1/3 get better - full recovery, 1/3 stay the same, 1/3 don't make it - the odds are in your favour.

2. The drugs they have now are brilliant. We were discussing his condition in the taxi home from the hospital and when we got home the taxi driver said he was on the same drug and he had 1 valve in his heart working and now he has all four - have faith in the drugs. The drug was dilitren - (spelt phonetically cause I'm hopeless at spelling). Plus a whole heap of other drugs - it seems its about getting the mixture of drugs right.

3. My ex's went from 22%, to 35% and is now at a normal 55%. We had a few checks where there was no change but then it started to recover. Don't loose hope - it may take awhile but the drugs need time to do their stuff.

4. My ex didn't get it from a virus. Cardiologist said its caused by a virus, stress or alcohol. Apparently in some people alcohol attacks the heart and not the liver. He did two things to help him feel he was helping himself while we waited to see what would happen. Stopped drinking, he was a big drinker and hasn't drunk since, and lost weight, he was very over weight. Has put it all back on now . So we did things that help the heart - no salt, no fat, pure clean living. Made him feel as if he had some control over the process.

Hope some of that helps. It's a lot to get your head around so if you want any more info, please ask. 


Big thing - take care of you. Maybe all the other stressors in your life need to go on the back burner while you look after you. Easier said than done I know but if there was a time to put yourself first, it is now. x x x x x x x x x

Thanks for all the info!  My doctor couldn't really verify that it was a virus.  I think it was a combination of stress and a virus.  I don't drink very often, and my diet is relatively good.  I do consume a lot of caffeine, so I have drastically reduced that.

Thank you so much!

[workinprogress]

I think my whole life has been a failure.  I don't know what to do to change it right now.  I can't work out.

I had to pass up two promotions because my wife wouldn't move.  Those promotions would have changed my life so much.  Instead, I'm here living in this little town for 48 years that I never liked to begin with (childhood crap).

I feel like such a failure.

When life offers you nothing but two unideal choices and you make an unideal choice… that is not a failure and it doesn’t make you a failure. Even if in retrospect it seems like there might have been more pros if you’d have made the other choice, remember that it still seemed like the right choice at the time… in other words; you did your very best with the information and resources (physical, emotional, etc’) that you had at the time… and that doesn’t make you a failure.

P.S. About the issue of not knowing how to change your condition right now and not being able to work out… personally I don’t have a heart condition but I did have a rather bad period a few months back where I got hospitalized 5 times in a row, over the course of two months, for another medical condition… and I know how emotionally upsetting that can be for someone who’s used to trying to always be in control. When crap like that happens I think it might be best to just focus on taking it easy and getting passed that period. Everything else can wait until later.

Thanks JN, I really didn't get to establish a good foundation early in my life.  My parents seemed to do nothing but create chaos and turmoil for me.  I really never got grounded.  I overcompensated in my life by developing a good work ethic and by staying focused on improving myself.  I think this is life telling me to step back.

I hope you get your period problems worked out.

[workinprogress]

Hey W-I-P, You're not a failure; you've just figured out some things that don't work for you.  You can still find your path.  Agree w/Ibjntx: it starts with loving and accepting yourself, just as you are.  Now is a good time to improve your r/s with yourself.

LuckyJim

Thanks man!