I am a god. But for how long?

[CrazyChuck]

My uBPDw is treating me like a god the last two weeks. It is fantastic! There have been a few small "issues" like I grabbed her arm and told her to kiss me. She said "don't pull me like that. I hate that.". After a quick sorry I got a kiss and an I love you. But for the most part I have had the best two weeks I have had in about a year. I thought it was going to end when I picked up something heavy and a small fart escaped. She really got mad about that. But I just said 'I understand that farts are not acceptable under any conditions. I am very sorry.". And then I even got a smile. I wish I could have this normal behavior forever. But I know any second of any day it can end.

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PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[AsGoodAsItGets]

My ex seemed to do the same, it killed me when finding out each of those nice moments coincided with her cheating on me.  I actually thought it had to do with me loving her. 

[CrazyChuck]

My ex seemed to do the same, it killed me when finding out each of those nice moments coincided with her cheating on me.  I actually thought it had to do with me loving her. 

That is true. The three times I have suspected her of cheating she has really been GREAT after each time. I never really put the two together. But several times I have had no reason to think cheating was the reason. It is most often a cycle. Three days good, two days bad, Friday starts good and almost always becomes bad by 7pm. Saturday and Sunday are a crap shoot. Monday almost always starts good. This is the first time in a year we have had over two weeks good. I'm loving it! Sad that I really don't care if she cheated anymore.

[problemsolver]

My ex seemed to do the same, it killed me when finding out each of those nice moments coincided with her cheating on me.  I actually thought it had to do with me loving her. 

That is true. The three times I have suspected her of cheating she has really been GREAT after each time. I never really put the two together. But several times I have had no reason to think cheating was the reason. It is most often a cycle. Three days good, two days bad, Friday starts good and almost always becomes bad by 7pm. Saturday and Sunday are a crap shoot. Monday almost always starts good. This is the first time in a year we have had over two weeks good. I'm loving it! Sad that I really don't care if she cheated anymore.

what do you mean by that last line? You don't care if she cheats on you?

[waverider]

Is the behavior real if its in response to a circumstantial trigger that has nothing to do with you?

How is that satisfying?

[Notwendy]

The "being a god" in relationship to a BPD to me, brings up images of the Greek god Icarus, who was warned not to fly too high or too low. Both black and white thinking are two forms of  dysfunction.


IMHO, I prefer being ( and being with ) a mere mortal.

[CrazyChuck]

what do you mean by that last line? You don't care if she cheats on you?

I really suspect she has three times. But no real proof. And I am not the jealous type. So I do not dig looking for it. If she did, I would rather not know. I'm tired of getting hurt.

Is the behavior real if its in response to a circumstantial trigger that has nothing to do with you?

How is that satisfying?

I feel very loved right now. I like this feeling. I want it to last. It feels like when we first started dating and she was fantastic. It feels good. I guess I feel somewhat like a crack head.

The "being a god" in relationship to a BPD to me, brings up images of the Greek god Icarus, who was warned not to fly too high or too low. Both black and white thinking are two forms of  dysfunction.


IMHO, I prefer being ( and being with ) a mere mortal.

That is a very good comparison. Because I know it will come crashing down at anytime.

[waverider]

Is the behavior real if its in response to a circumstantial trigger that has nothing to do with you?

How is that satisfying?

I feel very loved right now. I like this feeling. I want it to last. It feels like when we first started dating and she was fantastic. It feels good. I guess I feel somewhat like a crack head.

Yep i am sure we have all been there, and that is a fair analogy. Eventually we end up just trying to end the bad times (withdrawal), the highs are not there anymore they are just not bad, and we are desperate for them to return and fend off the bad

[formflier]

  I thought it was going to end when I picked up something heavy and a small fart escaped. She really got mad about that. But I just said 'I understand that farts are not acceptable under any conditions. I am very sorry."

Made me smile... .   

Ever threatened to dutch over her... .?

Note:  Actually did this years ago... .ummm... .didn't go well.   

Perhaps it would work out better for you... .

FF

[CrazyChuck]

  I thought it was going to end when I picked up something heavy and a small fart escaped. She really got mad about that. But I just said 'I understand that farts are not acceptable under any conditions. I am very sorry."

Made me smile... .   

Ever threatened to dutch over her... .?

Note:  Actually did this years ago... .ummm... .didn't go well.   

Perhaps it would work out better for you... .

FF

Nope, not at all. But I am now getting the silent treatment going on day two. I'm not sure what happened yet. She doesn't want to talk about it and she knows I am going to start a fight any second. I started validating everything I could think of, but not knowing what it is, I can't really validate it.

[an0ught]

Hi CrazyChuck,

at this point you can only validate that she is upset for unknown reasons and she is holding information back and trying to deal with it herself. You are there for her to talk and otherwise will give her space.

And then give her space.

Don't let her provoke you into a fight. A fight would be validating for her (as she is angry) but unhealthy. She needs to open her mouth or deal with it herself.