Now Prohibited from Walmart

[dacoming]

Got a text this morning out of the blue from the wife saying she better not find out I'm going to Walmart again!  I asked why and she said don't make me elaborate!  I just said ok and left it alone.  Over a week ago, I went to the Walmart down the street from my job to pick up a few things to eat in the office.  She made a comment about it then but nothing came of it.  She sort of implied I was in Walmart to pick up women because I don't like going grocery shopping.  I told her I don't like "grocery shopping" but I will go in for quick stops to grab something which is what I did.  It is so annoying and bothersome that she always thinks of negative things out of the simplest situations.  I don't even talk to people at all when out in stores or anything but she always does, a lot of times it's some "innocent" conversation with some dude that she sees nothing wrong with unless I do it.  She got mad because the lady next door spoke to me while I was doing the yard one day.  I am tired of the jealousy and double standards.  This feels like prison!

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Cloudy Days]

Lol... .Not sure if this is something to laugh at but I too am banned from Walmart. My husband seems to think I go there to see some imaginary boyfriend he has made up in his head. It's quite ridiculous and does feel like a prison. He soon gets over his ban when he wants something but if I need to pick up something they better have it at another store because I apparently go to Wal-Mart too much (usually to buy dog food and treats).

[dacoming]

I mean she has kids that she doesn't try to put this many restrictions on!  If she is this insecure with me, why keep staying with me?  She speaks often about her first relationship when she was a teen and how he was overbearing like that and she hated it.  I don't treat her like that but she does it to me?  It's not just the Walmart thing... .it's always something she has some sort of insecurity about:  the gym, working in DC, talking to family outside of her presence... .the list goes on.

[Cloudy Days]

the list goes on.

The list is going to keep going unless you place some kind of boundary around it. I know the same struggle except that we do not have children, but I know he would be the same way.

[maxsterling]

I apologize for my laughing. 

These accusations really come out of left field, don't they?  I had an ex (likely NPD) who would accuse me of seeing someone else.  At first, I thought she was joking because it was so absurd.  She said she saw the other woman in a "vision" she had.  She claimed she knew the other woman's scent (which was really the scent of my deodorant), what she looked like, etc.  For awhile, I would even quit wearing deodorant so as to not trigger these accusations. 

My advice?  This is so absurd, and responding to it is enabling the problem.  Answer the question "I went in to wal mart to get lunch" and then end the conversation.  She will be pissed, but she is already pissed.  My experience with this kind of thing is that validating her fears is also potentially enabling, and the topic will come up again the next time you go out.

[Wrongturn1]

I get where you are coming from with this.  However, I want to encourage you to absolutely go to Walmart whenever you want to go to Walmart.  Your wife suffers from a serious mental disorder, and you staying away from Walmart will not cure it or improve either of your lives.  If you stop going to Walmart, I'm pretty sure she will find something else to accuse you over instead, so I would say don't give in to such unreasonable demands/pressures.

[HopefulDad]

Listen to your wife.  Walmart sucks.

No, seriously... .set a boundary.  Going along with this ridiculous demand is Enabling 101.

Then listen to Rain Man.  K-Mart sucks.

[dacoming]

It is utterly ridiculous and I'm trying SO hard to keep the peace and blow it off but I have a feeling she is going to bring it up when I get home with accusations included.  If I wanted to go to Walmart to pick up women, I don't have to buy anything; I could just go down the street to Walmart and not say anything.  She makes no sense!  We've been getting along great and then out of the blue... .

[dacoming]

How could she even think herself this request is sane?  But if a friend of hers came to her and said they were going through something like this with their SO, she would see it as crazy.  I'm too embarrassed to even bring this up to anyone.

[HopefulDad]

How could she even think herself this request is sane?  But if a friend of hers came to her and said they were going through something like this with their SO, she would see it as crazy.  I'm too embarrassed to even bring this up to anyone.

I'm hoping by now that's a rhetorical question.

[CrazyChuck]

The women at Target are better eyecandy anyway. 

[dacoming]

The women at Target are better eyecandy anyway. 

Lol!

[ColdEthyl]

How could she even think herself this request is sane?  But if a friend of hers came to her and said they were going through something like this with their SO, she would see it as crazy.  I'm too embarrassed to even bring this up to anyone.

I'm hoping by now that's a rhetorical question.

... .mental illness, sweety. It's not a flaw... .it's a feature.

My husband has this thing where he thinks because I work in a hospital and there are thousands of people are here, I'm clearly f&*(@ing someone in a stairwell stall or something.

It's doesn't have a thing to do with YOU or YOUR actions. It has to do with BPD, their abandonment issues, and irrational thoughts. Mental illness by definition is affects mood, thoughts, and behavior.

I don't take it personal when my husband says it anymore. I know it's not me, it's him. All I do is listen, assure him that I love him, I want to be with him, and I have not and am not looking for anyone. Usually, he will start to cry and say he doesn't understand why. I tell him I know... .but I do.

[IsItHerOrIsItMe]

I don't take it personal when my husband says it anymore. I know it's not me, it's him. All I do is listen, assure him that I love him, I want to be with him, and I have not and am not looking for anyone. Usually, he will start to cry and say he doesn't understand why. I tell him I know... .but I do.

Which is great... .but how do you handle when they ask "but why do I feel this way... .it must be something you've done"... /

[ColdEthyl]

I don't take it personal when my husband says it anymore. I know it's not me, it's him. All I do is listen, assure him that I love him, I want to be with him, and I have not and am not looking for anyone. Usually, he will start to cry and say he doesn't understand why. I tell him I know... .but I do.

Which is great... .but how do you handle when they ask "but why do I feel this way... .it must be something you've done"... /

I've never had him say that or anything similar. I would respond that feelings can be confusing, and they are sometimes liars. I do not know why you feel this way, but this is how I feel... or something along that nature. It's always avoid those YOU statements, sympathize, empathize. It's not easy all of the time, especially when it comes out of nowhere and you are caught of guard. It takes a ton of practice.