Job problems

[Depression = 72% of members]

udBPD Person is highly qualified but has difficulty with jobs... now he has moved 200 miles away, rented a flat, bought furniture om the basis of a job he took up 6 weeks ago. Now this job is sounding a bit dubious... .they pay him well but don't give him enough to do. We've had this situation before, generally preceding losing the job. He is not really a self starter, in spite of the qualifications. He is also pretty isolated, as he doesn't make friends easily. If this job crashes, he will be in a bad position... with his family too. They don't think he is capable of anything and don't really support him. He is being very nice to me at the moment, but I'm really worried about what will happen if it all goes belly up. Don't know how to support him.

[foggydew]

udBPD Person is highly qualified but has difficulty with jobs... now he has moved 200 miles away, rented a flat, bought furniture om the basis of a job he took up 6 weeks ago. Now this job is sounding a bit dubious... .they pay him well but don't give him enough to do. We've had this situation before, generally preceding losing the job. He is not really a self starter, in spite of the qualifications. He is also pretty isolated, as he doesn't make friends easily. If this job crashes, he will be in a bad position... with his family too. They don't think he is capable of anything and don't really support him. He is being very nice to me at the moment, but I'm really worried about what will happen if it all goes belly up. Don't know how to support him.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[an0ught]

Hi foggydew,

his concerns may be justified or they may be fear or a repetition of the past.

What you can do:

- validate his fears. The better he has a grip on them the better he can sense and adjust.

- worst case protection measure. Take a few concrete steps to shore up against disaster. Let him contribute a little too. Action helps to feel less helpless.

- talk with him through his boundaries - stuff he is not going to do

- talk with him through opportunities to take initiative or engage deeper. Validation 101.

- leave the problem with him

There are limits what you can do so take good care of yourself. You will need your strength one way or the other.

[foggydew]

Thanks a lot. Just been talking to him on the phone... I was able to validate his fears, and he began to talk about things much less vaguely. I did leave the problem with him, suggested he made sure he feels alright - he is more important than the job. He has signed off sick for today, so this is really a bad sign. He blocks when I try to talk to him about wghat he could do to engage more. He seems unable to see things like that. I'll leave it for now and see how he gets on, and then try the rest of what you suggest. It helps to have someone who understands.