Some thoughts.

[Schermarhorn]

It's been 1.5 months since last contact, and over 3 months since our breakup. I am feeling much better in general, but I am still upset that a short 1+ month relationship has left such a mark on me.

I've been trying to figure out why I want her. Her looks are average and her personality (or at least the non mirrored one) was nothing out of the ordinary. There are plenty of girls like her, yet I still feel stuck on her. I assume it is because she was so unpredictable. It was like she was the main character in a TV show, something interesting was always going on with her. It's not even like I want to be with her anymore (some days I still do, but most days I don't now), it's more like i just want to be in the loop. I don't know why, but I feel like I've invested a lot into her even though I really haven't. Just not knowing how her life is going just keeps me wondering.

This situation does remind me of my childhood though. My sister always had drama going on much like my ex does. Is it possible to be missing the drama (even though I hate it) as much as the ex?

I also feel like that the grass is always greener on the other side. If I am with her I want out, if I am without her I want in.

I'm making progress, but it is just so painfully slow.

[Turkish]

This situation does remind me of my childhood though. My sister always had drama going on much like my ex does. Is it possible to be missing the drama (even though I hate it) as much as the ex?

Overall, a very positive update, Schermarhorn 

Regarding past drama (trauma?) you seem to be saying that your s is may be BPD-like as well. If so, we'd welcome you on the Coping and Healing Board if you want to explore that. Sometimes, what is familiar is comfortable, even if it isn't. Said in another way, you don't know what you don't know.

T