Hi everyone,

[nonBPbf35]

Hello Everyone,

           So for about 9 months I have been dating a girl that I recently began to suspect has BPD. During the first several months she was very affectionate and we were very sexually active. Now our relationship is all about me trying very hard to please her and rarely being successful. She has stopped initiating sex and does not get very aroused anymore (when we first started dating she would quickly become aroused(sorry I'm not sure how else to describe it, but she used to get very wet)). I strongly suspect that she is cheating on me. A big question I have, is why do so many women with BPD seem to lose interest in their partners? Is there anything I can do? I am not sure she is aware or accepts that she has BPD, and I am not sure if I should bring this up with her or possibly ask her parents or brother. I am admittedly co-dependent myself. There are times when she says she loves me very much and I believe her, we are talking about getting engaged. At other times she can be very critical and denigrating towards me and I feel like she could abruptly end our relationship. Mostly though, she is not hurtful, but there is a general lack of affection, which I find hurtful (not holding me or wanting physical closeness{cuddling} or not being concerned with my wants or needs). I considered her a friend before we began dating and still do, and I love and care for her very much. She has a loving and supportive family and I have no reason to believe that she was abused as a child. She suffers regular migraines, and I saw an article online that suggested a correlation between migraines and BPD individuals who were not abused as children, if anyone has any information regarding that correlation, please share that if possible also.

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[babyducks]

hi nonBPbf35

I am not sure she is aware or accepts that she has BPD, and I am not sure if I should bring this up with her or possibly ask her parents or brother.

the current school of thought is that it is not a good idea to mention BPD to another person unless they bring it up first.   there is a lot more too it than that, of course,  details can be found in this link.

PERSPECTIVES: Telling someone that you think they have BPD

the very best thing you can do is educate yourself.   learn what BPD is and isn't, AND how to interact with a person who suffers from the traits of BPD.   I know it took me a while to understand and make subtle changes in the way I spoke and acted with my partner.   those subtle changes made a world of difference to me.   

the place to start is

HERE

ducks