Not sure if this can help

[How to communicate after a contentious divorce...]

When I discovered that my ex had BPD because I found this site, and she confirmed all the symptoms, I began to grieve in a different way. I scoured the boards and read it all. I began to grieve as if that person died, because in actuality they never really existed. It has helped me and maybe it can help you. I was able to talk with her recently and get closure while not getting sucked into things again emotionally. The person I dated and the person I was talking with were two completely different people and knowing that has made it easier.  This is such a painful process. It's not like anything else and it's easier knowing there is a support community like this.

[toddinrochester]

When I discovered that my ex had BPD because I found this site, and she confirmed all the symptoms, I began to grieve in a different way. I scoured the boards and read it all. I began to grieve as if that person died, because in actuality they never really existed. It has helped me and maybe it can help you. I was able to talk with her recently and get closure while not getting sucked into things again emotionally. The person I dated and the person I was talking with were two completely different people and knowing that has made it easier.  This is such a painful process. It's not like anything else and it's easier knowing there is a support community like this.

[Invictus01]

When I went to a psychologist to talk about all this craziness, she asked me how I felt. And I told her - "You know, I have never experienced this before, so I don't know how the comparison really feels. But the only way I can describe all this is if the love of my life died in a car crash." I later spoke to a friend of mine whose husband passed away pretty unexpectedly (literally in a matter of months, drunk himself to death while they were separated) and told her all the symptoms I was having and all that. And she told me - "Yeah... .that is pretty much exactly what I went through when he passed away"... .

[Mr Hollande]

I can relate to that but I would add that not only did the person, or the illusion, or dream even, die in a car crash, the ghost insists on making contact at regular and irregular interval.

[toddinrochester]

I do not plan on hearing from her again.Our relationship was not that important in her life. She even said that she thought it would be easy to get over me and that it wasn't as easy as she thought. Statements like that can help shape your prospective in a situation. Although it hurt a little for me to hear this, It helped solidify that she like she said ":)idn't deserve" me and that I indeed was "too good" for her.  I really do wish her the best and that she can find that peace that is out of reach. But I got the answers I needed. I do not have the questions lingering now that I had before. I saw a picture of her this past weekend and it wasn't the same twisting feeling I got before. I still will have my moments of struggle. They are just getting smoother.

[Lifewriter16]

Yep, I feel like the love of my life died too.

Mr Hollande, I love your comment about your ghostly visitations!

Lifewriter x

[MSNYC]

This is so true. Looking back on my ex and our year together, it feels like a mirage. I look at old pictures of us together, reflect on times we spent that felt so intimate and genuine, that yes - it feels at once like mourning a dear lover and yet also finding out you had imagined them into existence.

[Darsha500]

I just thought of an analogy as well.

Its almost as if you found the love of your life, but it turned out she/he was an imposter.

Oh wow, yah look at the definition of imposter: a person who pretends to be someone else in order to deceive others, especially for fraudulent gain.

Another analogy I came up with recently, though this is only applicable if your the one who broke off the relationship: Its as if you are trying to save a loved one from drowning, but they are trying to drown themselves, and you too for that matter. At some point it comes down to this realization, "its either her/him or me."