I feel hopeful and scared

[Depression = 72% of members]

My live-in uBPDbf (I guess now x-uBPDbf) has agreed to sell our house so we can both move on.  I feel hopeful and relieved and very sad all at the same time.  Since neither of us can afford the house individually, we have decided to continue to both live there until its sold.  I'm sure this isn't a good idea but its the only way for the moment.  It'll be just like all the times I ignored him and slept in the spare bedroom to get away from him during his craziness.  It won't be easy because its not a big house and all he does at night is sit on the couch and watch tv so every time I need to get to the kitchen, the laundry or anything downstairs, I'll have to pass by him.  I'm not looking forward to that.  I'm also not looking forward to him trying to get me to change my mind, which he has done every other time I decided to leave (and it worked every other time unfortunately).  I do think he's finally seen that we can't continue to be in a r/s.

This all finally came to a head last night when he knocked over a bookshelf and a bunch of my stuff and threatened me physically because I wanted some of my family to come over for Thanksgiving brunch - not even Thanksgiving dinner, just brunch for 3 hours early in the day.  This was just the final straw in a long line of his rages over things that I wish he didn't rage over.  I could see in his eyes that he was in a place he'd never been before, sort of resigned to the fact that it was finally over and also it seemed like he knew he was going crazy over something that he shouldn't be.  It was the same rages I've been through plenty of times but also different. 

I'm just sort of rambling here and I don't really have a question, just looking for any kind of support or suggestions on how to do this living together but separate for what might be a few months.

[toomanyeggshells]

My live-in uBPDbf (I guess now x-uBPDbf) has agreed to sell our house so we can both move on.  I feel hopeful and relieved and very sad all at the same time.  Since neither of us can afford the house individually, we have decided to continue to both live there until its sold.  I'm sure this isn't a good idea but its the only way for the moment.  It'll be just like all the times I ignored him and slept in the spare bedroom to get away from him during his craziness.  It won't be easy because its not a big house and all he does at night is sit on the couch and watch tv so every time I need to get to the kitchen, the laundry or anything downstairs, I'll have to pass by him.  I'm not looking forward to that.  I'm also not looking forward to him trying to get me to change my mind, which he has done every other time I decided to leave (and it worked every other time unfortunately).  I do think he's finally seen that we can't continue to be in a r/s.

This all finally came to a head last night when he knocked over a bookshelf and a bunch of my stuff and threatened me physically because I wanted some of my family to come over for Thanksgiving brunch - not even Thanksgiving dinner, just brunch for 3 hours early in the day.  This was just the final straw in a long line of his rages over things that I wish he didn't rage over.  I could see in his eyes that he was in a place he'd never been before, sort of resigned to the fact that it was finally over and also it seemed like he knew he was going crazy over something that he shouldn't be.  It was the same rages I've been through plenty of times but also different. 

I'm just sort of rambling here and I don't really have a question, just looking for any kind of support or suggestions on how to do this living together but separate for what might be a few months.

[MSNYC]

This is intense! I wish I had more constructive feedback other than just saying I can't imagine how much more complicated it must be given your living situation (I was lucky that we didn't live together). Hang in there, keep those boundaries strong.

[toomanyeggshells]

Thanks MSNYC.  We only decided to list the house for sale and both stay there during a phone conversation this morning so I'm not looking forward to going home after work.  It's going to be very uncomfortable and I'm praying he doesn't change his mind.

[cyclistIII]

Good luck! That sounds hard but you sound determined, which is good... .

Wish I had suggestions on how to cope in the meantime, but I really don't except: Be good to yourself! This is hard stuff.

[toomanyeggshells]

Thanks cyclistIII.  I know its going to be hard being in the house with him.  I've stayed so many times in the past because I felt sorry for him, and I still do.  He's such a sad-sack, if you know what I mean.  Once we sign the papers to list the house for sale on Friday night, I think I'll feel better, although there's still a ton of stuff that can go wrong before the house is actually sold.  Ugh! Its going to be one day at a time ... .