Mother with BPD

[Favourite]

My therapist recently suggested my mother has BPD. It's helped me to stop blaming myself, provide me with justisfication of why we don't get on but I feel a huge sadness with this label towards my mum. I'm 35 and had a breakdown/breakthrough earlier this year. I can easily tap into the emotions of the anger Ive felt from my youth.  I also read about the hope you feel, desperate for her to change, fantasising about the perfect life instead of living on high alert, trying to solve endless mini dramas, breakdowns, non-stop tears, being humiliated, screamed at for no reason, a no win situation. I feel broken and working so hard to get better again. She tells me she loves me, but it's not the natural unconditional motherly love, but I guess it's the best she can do given her unpleasant upbringing. I hope for everyone with someone either suffering from this condition or associated with it they are all able to find peace and forgiveness. I'm going to study psychotherapy in  January, definitely feel it's meant to be part of my journey, there has to be some good from so much sadness and pain. Good luck and all the best

[Turkish]

Hello Favourite,

It sounds like you are going away to school (good luck in your studies!). What is the living and contact situation right now with your mother? Too close for comfort?

T.

[Favourite]

I moved back home to mum's recently.  I have found it tough especially with this new information from the therapist, but I feel its been part of my transformation and new beginning.  I have cried a lot which has been nourishing and helping to unblock and free the past.  Although I have huge self-doubt and suffered with anxiety most of my life, I have found this respect for myself for getting through it and am starting to love who I am. 

[Favourite]

Thank you Turkish   I am very excited about it