Jealousy

[Mgnbpdfamily]

My husband has been diagnosed for many years with BPD, and more recently with bipolar. He started epilem a month ago and has been claiming to feel so much better but has told me this week that two feelings haven't gone away, anger with his mother and jealousy over a friend of ours that he has been accusing me for years of being attracted to. We never see this friend now, so he is referring to interaction we had 2 years ago but every few months it comes up. He jealousy is unfounded but he is convinced I was have an "emotional affair" and there is nothing I can say that will change his mind. He interrogates me, rages, got me to the point of false admission as I thought it would help but it just enraged him that I had blamed his mental illness for two years when it was true. I got to the point of saying no more, switched off phone after telling him I would not talk about it until he accepted he was delusional, when I came home later that day he was suicidal - left the house after saying goodbye to kids with a suicide plan. He ended up coming home a few hours later but he had spent the time in a hotel with all he needed to end his life. He went voluntarily to hospital, and we saw his psych the next day who has said we cannot talk about it again until he is in a better space and only with a marriage councillor. I am terrified that any conversation about it will have same outcome - he thinks a councillor will provide a safe environment for me to confess, but there is nothing to confess. He doesn't want to love without me, but I fear can never accept he is wrong about this. I have said I won't go for a few weeks as he needs to get better first, psych recomended this. I want to keep our marriage but feel so hopeless, he is a wonderful father and husband in spite of jealousy and trust issues with everyone. Any advice most appreciate, I feel lost and so out of my depth,

[RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING]

RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM SOLVING This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members are welcomed to express frustration but must seek constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[waverider]

Jealousy is a difficult thing to counter as you can't impose your reality on theirs. All actions are construed to implicate guilt. All you can really do is refuse to get drawn into it and continue your life in away that doesn't add weight to it.  In other words dont take it on as your problem. BPD problems are often fuelled and escalated simply by the involvement of others, as they get into a win at all costs challenge. It seems to validate that there is something to fight about.

A worthwhile link:

How to handle a jealous partner who is also BPD?