"Lost, without an answer... .Time never stops to lets us find what we have lost, no remorse for our despair, time doesn't care."
I love those lyrics, there so dark, but a part of me revels in them.
How unfortunate is it that we are left to cope with the absurd? I mean, it's absurd is it not? There is no rhyme or reason behind their behavior, it is completely nonsensical.
I really liked what game over posted the other day. He said something along the lines of, "I believe she (his ex) and I are both victims of the disorder."
The disorder does't abide by the same rules and standards that we have grown so accustomed to. To us, their behavior seems completely and utterly illogical. Its like, "how on earth could you do such and such, or say such and such? What kind of rationale would lead you to such an action?" However, The thing is, there is some sort of logic to it, but its a logic based on their disordered personalities. So, consequently, it is completely alien to us.
When I think about her thinking - the why - I shutter. My ex's world is a freak show. "If you could see where I've been, you'd touch the hand thats touching sin." I sing that lyric to myself often. I have seen into her world, I've had glimpses, and it is a living hell.
What will you do with your question mark? What will I do with mine? Maybe ill cherish it.
Why does the mad man cackle? because he has come to the realization that life is absurd. Pain is present, and when in that overwhelming position, when one is completely inundated, one might come face to face with their existence - stark and raw.
One response is to cackle, to LMAFO. "Oh my goodness! look at all this pain! It simply makes no sense, its a cosmic joke! where is justice? Where is my loving God? Who will protect me?" DUN DUN DUN!
NO ONE!
.
Except of course yourself, the godhead within. A HA, Eureka! I am the answer to the question mark forced upon me! My lived experience is the answer.
... .
There you will sit with your pain, and there you will find silence. There you will sit on the ocean floor, peering up at the waters surface. You will see the ripples, you will see the tumultuous waves, yes you will see the tsunamis, the torrent of pain crashing into your experience. But there you will remain, on the ocean floor, where all is silent, all is serene.
You will notice what a miraculous site it is that you behold. You will gasp and exclaim, WHAT AN HONOR IT IS TO BE ALIVE!
Then you will SHOUT, with the fervent courage of 10,000 spartans, "I ACCEPT THIS PAIN!"
Your eyes close... .
You wake up the next morning.
And you do it again.
Never,
Ever,
Giving
up
on
yourself.
