Engaged one month after breakup ..is this normal?

[stacma04]

Ex and I were NC for several months during which he started seeing someone else. He then breaks up with the Other Woman and we get back together . We of course break up again and within one month he's engaged. we were together for about 2 years in which I've been dumped and recycled countless times... we always talked about marriage etc. prior to our final break up were were looking at engagement rings, almost booked vacation to take a cruise etc. what could it be about the other person that makes them take that step into getting engaged/married to the other person and didn't want to marry us? Even if they have been with this person for several months, does that mean they are truly in love with them that's why they want to marry them? Is that even normal to get engaged after a month? is it that they perhaps feel more compatible with the other individual?

I feel like I never really stood a chance after all that time, he was just waiting for someone better to come along. How are you professing your love to me one week and back in love with someone else the next week. He was calling another country to talk to my Dad, calling/emailing my sister texting me non stop about how much he loved me... why go through all that trouble, to get me back and then to turn around and do this to me all over again? I know this was probably meant to be my final discard. Told me he couldn't commit to me and I should move on with my life. This came by text two days after we were looking in the jewelry store looking at wedding rings and talking about where we wanted to get married... I even asked him how his mother felt about us getting back together and he stated that " his mother knows how much I make him happy and she just wants us to find our way... what the heck? even put her on the phone with me... sigh. I'm smh because I just don't get it. During the discard I told him that he was the one that was doing this, he was the one that was running away from me again. And like all his other reactions during discard no empathy from him, just as cold as ice.

The last time I looked on his Instagram his life just seems perfect, he has the house the kids and his new fiance, with not a care in the world about how he left me completely humiliated and broken once again. Even posting some very interesting quotes to the new fiance

A coward is a man who awakens a woman's love with no intentions of ever loving her( why wasn't he saying this when he was discarding and recycling my ass a zillion times

" when you meet a woman that's too good for you, you change to become a better man for her, that's how you get forever" hahahaha,,, that was my personal favorite... .like F#$%ing really? so i guess he's implying that i was never good enough for him ( even though i always made sure dinner was on the table, food in the refrigerator, house is clean, and supported him in everything he does)

":)on't desire what you had in the past (me) desire what you have now(OW) because what you have now is among st the things you have only dreamed of... .

I have to admit, reading those really was painful, and aside from the engagement, he has made it painfully clear that I meant absolutely Nothing to him. Wow

I guess the upside of this , is that now that he's engaged and or married, he;s gone for good and I wont have to deal with him anymore.

Would really like to get some insight

[Dutched]

Many stories are similar.

Many have a ‘replacement’ as back up already.

Many have a ‘replacement’ within days, weeks and engage within months, marry within 3 – 12 months.

Some stay single for a longer period, finally having a good time after the annoying and boring life with that ex.

One that I know of (my case) , finally found one (after being seen with others too) within 18 months after a 3 decades r/s (– normal grieve period seems to be 1 yr. for every decade -  saying enough…). As predicted… and as predicted to exw, within 6 months living together… next prediction was a marriage this year, well a 2 months left for that…

For your recovery, but at this moment hard to swallow maybe.

The next one (NO not ‘replacement’… as YOU are unique!) is ‘the best ever happened to me’. It is a attachment disorder, remember that please

So the happiness with the next one is idealisation, until stage 2 sets in (The Clinger Phase) followed by stage 3 the Hate Phase.

It is good to realise that it is a spectrum disorder and they are humans too.

You mention that he is gone for good.

Have a closer look at his history, way back to the 1st time he behaved in that way, so after dumping his 1st gf, or dumping his FOO. 

What was his pattern? Cut/delete and moving on, no contact anymore? Cut /delete and somewhere in time trying to establish contact again? Their past behaviour predicts their future behaviour…

There are stories that the ex will pop up many yrs. later, one even after a 25 yrs…

[Suzn]

A coward is a man who awakens a woman's love with no intentions of ever loving her

This man cheated on you and the OW, correct?

when you meet a woman that's too good for you, you change to become a better man for her, that's how you get forever"

This sounds like a fantasy. If he feels someone is too good for him (self loathing) and he wants to change to be a better man (I don't want anyone to know the real me)... .then I'll get forever (fear of abandonment?)

":)on't desire what you had in the past, desire what you have now because what you have now is among st the things you have only dreamed of... .

I wouldn't take these quotes personally stacmo. If he is BPD or npd none of his behaviors have anything to do with you personally, they were there long before you came along.

Question. While you two were together, since you two always talked of getting married, did you consider yourself engaged?  You said you talked of marriage, you looked at rings, you almost booked a cruise... but nothing materialized. Do these things sound like things he would dream of? I ask because you say he's now saying he's engaged and they've been engaged for 8 months, correct? So far it hasn't materialized, I'm not saying it won't, however, does this sound like a pattern?

Told me he couldn't commit to me. This came by text

He is telling you who he is, someone who can't commit. Believe him.

[saintgrey]

My Ex was going to get married but that r/s lasted for a whole month, i think when they jump to a new r/s its just to fill that void.

[hopealways]

There are a million questions we can ask about the perplexing behavior of our BPDx but just remember: they are severely disturbed individuals with a personality disorder with no cure. No medication. Therapy rarely even works.  This is serious stuff y'all! It's hard for us to fathom how such a beautiful charismatic creature can be SO disturbed but they are, just accept that. Thats the answer to all your questions. The disorder is way stronger than you or me or them or their Therapist, and they will never change.