Just for fun, what DSM category would describe you?

[Depression = 72% of members]

Growing up as an only child with a mother with BPD, I was the "identified patient" in my home. My mother had suffered lots of family tragedies and therefore examination of her behavior was off-limits. My father was functional but after many years with my mother, he became withdrawn. So I grew up thinking there was something wrong with me and that led me to majoring in psychology in college and ultimately a short stint in grad school, until I realized I had no business trying to be a therapist.

In my first marriage, I was a textbook co-dependent and caretaker. Through therapy, I've learned to have more of a "self". In my current marriage, I'm easing off on my OCD tendencies and developing my inner narcissist a bit more.  Probably what would best describe me is as a former Social Anxiety sufferer and currently somewhat high-functioning Aspergers. Through the years, I've developed enough Social Intelligence that I fit in remarkably well, considering my outsider status as a child.

I think most of us who have found ourselves in relationship with a pwBPD have long-standing emotional wounds from an early age. However, living with a pwBPD is enough to cause us some major psychological damage as well.

I'm curious about other's history and background. It seems obvious that we often repeat well-worn family patterns.

[Cat Familiar]

Growing up as an only child with a mother with BPD, I was the "identified patient" in my home. My mother had suffered lots of family tragedies and therefore examination of her behavior was off-limits. My father was functional but after many years with my mother, he became withdrawn. So I grew up thinking there was something wrong with me and that led me to majoring in psychology in college and ultimately a short stint in grad school, until I realized I had no business trying to be a therapist.

In my first marriage, I was a textbook co-dependent and caretaker. Through therapy, I've learned to have more of a "self". In my current marriage, I'm easing off on my OCD tendencies and developing my inner narcissist a bit more.  Probably what would best describe me is as a former Social Anxiety sufferer and currently somewhat high-functioning Aspergers. Through the years, I've developed enough Social Intelligence that I fit in remarkably well, considering my outsider status as a child.

I think most of us who have found ourselves in relationship with a pwBPD have long-standing emotional wounds from an early age. However, living with a pwBPD is enough to cause us some major psychological damage as well.

I'm curious about other's history and background. It seems obvious that we often repeat well-worn family patterns.

[PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES]

PLEASE - NO RUN MESSAGES This is a high level discussion board for solving ongoing, day-to-day relationship conflicts. Members may appear frustrated but they are here for constructive solutions to problems. This is not a place for relationship "stay" or "leave" discussions. Please read the specific guidelines for this group.

[Notwendy]

I think mine would have to be "Adjustment Disorder, Unspecified" as the experiences from my FOO have resulted in all kinds of "adjustments" of my point of view over the years,  not all of them bad, It's been a learning experience.

[MaybeSo]

maybe GAD... .generalized anxiety disorder.

or, possibly social anxiety disorder.

dependent personality features (aka "co-dependence" ; in remission. 

[ChangingOfTides]

Well, its a strange combination of things in our relationship.

As an only child, I lost my mother at a young age and was later raised by my emotionally withdrawn stepfather, so i suffer from abandonment and emotional deprivation issues.

On the other hand i also see now that due the way that i was brought up,

i never really learned to take care of myself, let alone take care of a family,

which put my BPD wife in some sort of codependancy role too running the household.

Crazy thing is that until a few months ago, i didnt realise all this, i actually assumed i had gotten through my childhood with not that many scars... .

[Lifewriter16]

Hi Cat Familiar,

I spent many years with 'depression'. Then I heard about 'social anxiety' and decided that sounded like me. Then I heard about 'asperger syndrome' and decided that was it. I now have a diagnosis for AS. After joining BPD Family, I realised that I am co-dependent. The more I reflect upon myself, the more I am having to come to terms with my own brand of madness. Things are beginning to look different to me now. I suspect I have a few personality disorder traits, possibly avoidant PD with some dependent PD and a sprinkle of BPD thrown in. I do pity the poor men who have tried to have relationships with me.

Love Lifewriter

[Hope26]

Cat Familiar, you introduce some fascinating and thought-provoking topics!  I am a classic co-dependent, caretaker type, currently working on establishing boundaries with others in my life.  Not only with uBPDh, but also with relatives, bosses, and co-workers.

In my FOO, my father was severely bi-polar, and my mother also a very co-dependent caretaker who always catered to his needs and wishes with no regard to her own.  And became very resentful.  While telling myself I'd never do that, I have seen myself duplicating her actions in both my marriages.  Though less so in this one than in the first.

[sweetheart]

 Hi cat,

Certainly neurotic personality traits with comorbid unspecified anxiety disorder throughout my teens and twenties.

Then 10 years of psychoanalysis put me right  and now just some generalised anxiety with an underlying fear of dying. 

[ColdEthyl]

I've been diagnosed Generalized Anxiety Disorder, but my time in counseling has been brief. There is probably more.

I grew up in an unstable environment. Parents divorced when I was 9 and my brother was 3. We lived with mother for 3 months before she 'wanted her life back' and gave us to dad. We lived with him and grandparents, then just him, then him and his new wife.

The new wife was abusive emotionally and psychologically. Dad did nothing. Our mother was in and out of our lives... .sometimes disappearing for months or years at a time then popping up and acting like everything should be 'normal'. She would say she was coming to get us for visitation, and it was always a toss up whether or not she showed up, but never a toss up that she would just call and tell us she isn't coming.

Starting at the age of 11 my mother let me drink. I drank with her once at 11 then at 13 and on it was pretty much every time she did show up to take us for the weekend. She had us steal for her in stores, lie about collecting money for fund raisers, etc.

Stepfather was a pedophile, always had child porn on his computer, wrote letters to me about things he wanted to do to me (he never did, probably just because my mother told me about it before I even knew what was going on, then threatened if I told my dad she'd never see me again) he would do pervish things like beg me to wear a tank top, or rig up mirrors in the bathroom so he could see me bathing.

Flip back over to step mother... .she would just tell us how much she hated us and wanted us to turn 18 so 'she could have her life back' (see a pattern?) She had odd ways of punishment like if we forgot to wear socks in the living room she would cut the heat off to our rooms.

I think I became codependent/overachiever because of always needing to feel useful. Being told you are a piece of crap all of the time does that.

[Lifewriter16]

Hi ColdEthyl,

Boy, you had a rotten life. I feel for you.

It won't go far, but I'd like to send you a restorative hug. 

Love Lifewriter

[Daniell85]

Anxiety disorder, its diagnosed as a major panic disorder. Yep i freeze like a deer in the headlights, then run off like a rabbit. I guess some depression, but i think its circumstantial.

I thought the idea of co dependance was a silly one for me, then i realized not long ago that i have been really co dependant and my life has been awful at times as a result. Kind of lost the compusion for it when i realized what i was doing.

Family? Where do i begin? Ugh.

[unicorn2014]

I actually had two diagnosis with my second to last therapist, the first being PTSD. That was 8 years ago  . My current social worker diagnosed me with anxiety, which means I still have PTSD . I don't think that's a dsm category but I'll relook at my current patient plan. I've come to accept I may be living with PTSD for an undetermined time. It is a disability.

[ColdEthyl]

Hi ColdEthyl,

Boy, you had a rotten life. I feel for you.

It won't go far, but I'd like to send you a restorative hug. 

Love Lifewriter

Thank you i appreciate that It could have always been worse. The things my husband suffered were worse than what I have dealt with. I do realize now that my past has affected me. I honestly didn't realize how much until I started digging into BPD and seeing the pattern of co-dependency partners that usually end up in these relationships. It's been an eye opener into myself, as well.