Sleeping with Ex BPD BF

[Itstopsnow]

Please I need help. I had a terrible breakup from my ex BPD boyfriend. I was with him 18 months and loved him so much . It was very stormy but we were also so very close and had many good times too! So many vacations and trips. Our final breakup was horrible. He spit in my face. I should never speak to him again. But I am totally codependent on him and feel deep love for him. He is now dating a girl who he says isn't very pretty and he isn't into, I told him not to use her and don't just date her not to be alone. He has huge abandonment fears and low self esteem, but He is manipulative because he started hanging out with me again and we started sleeping together because the bond is still so intense. I feel terrible about it for her. But They aren't in a relationship exclusive phase. And I just started to date a really healthy nice guy. But seeing my ex is blocking me from truly connecting to him. I feel guilty about it all .And I feel so hurt that my ex is sleeping with her. I keep telling him we should go NC but he says he wants to be there for me. and then always tells me he loves me but doesn't want to ruin my new opportunity with this new guy that has already proven to be a nice guy to me. See I think I know deep down there is no future for me and my ex but I love him and enjoy his company. It is making me sick though. I lost a lot of weight and I think about it all the time and I'm in so much pain. Please I need some good advise and please no mean comments I already feel terrible as it is. TO go from his everything to a side piece or what ever it is. IT is killing me  I am a ball of anxieties .

[C.Stein]

You know, while my situation isn't the same as yours, at this moment I would give almost anything to get back the love I lost.

I want so badly to go to her and hold her and love her, but I can't.  My head tells me she will never change, my heart tells me to run back to her even though I am pretty much dead to her now for some reason (BPD I suppose).  I truly don't understand why I am having such a hard time letting her go, but I know I need to. 

I think deep down you know you need to let your ex go to.  It isn't fair to anyone to keep holding onto him when you know it will never lead to anything good. 

[Lucky Jim]

Both of you, in my view, are experiencing normal withdrawal symptoms.  Sometimes the pain is so intense that it's seems like going back to the BPDx will bring relief.  Yet it usually doesn't play out that way, as you are learning, Itstopsnow.  As many here can confirm, the same outcome usually repeats itself, except that it's more painful with each recycle.

I like your moniker, Itstopsnow.  Maybe It's time to put that nickname into practice.

LuckyJim

[Learning Fast]

Agree that each recycle is worse---lower "highs" and lower "lows".  Time and distance bring objectivity and clarity.  Unfortunately there really isn't a way to hasten the process.  Stay strong, maintain your boundaries and realize that there was very little (if anything at all) that you could have done to have changed the outcome.