Infidelity or An Attention Stunt

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I got in touch with my lawyer today and hired a PI to catch them on their date for Friday night.  I have for the first time broken down a little and cried which I rarely do!  I am a combat vet and not know to fall apart.  My question why the hell am I not mad about this?  It is either serious denial or just glad it is coming to an end.  I am going to try and be fair about the divorce with the exception of the kids and I hope it goes well.  I have no intention of turning this into a long drawn out fight as I don't think anyone will win.  It the old adage that the only way to win this fight is to not have it.  I am leaving today for a trip to Key West for a Veterans charity event and I hope I can have some relief from the stress there. 

[KaishaMikasa]

I got in touch with my lawyer today and hired a PI to catch them on their date for Friday night.  I have for the first time broken down a little and cried which I rarely do!  I am a combat vet and not know to fall apart.  My question why the hell am I not mad about this?  It is either serious denial or just glad it is coming to an end.  I am going to try and be fair about the divorce with the exception of the kids and I hope it goes well.  I have no intention of turning this into a long drawn out fight as I don't think anyone will win.  It the old adage that the only way to win this fight is to not have it.  I am leaving today for a trip to Key West for a Veterans charity event and I hope I can have some relief from the stress there. 

[Sadly]

Good luck with everything and enjoy your trip. It is nice for you that you can get a bit of breathing space before the next stage commences. I can hear how strong you are so please don't worry about crying sometimes, it would be more worrying if you didn't. Crying defies scientific explanation. Tears are only meant to lubricate the eyes. There is no real reason for tears to be produced at the behest of emotion. I think we cry to release the animal parts of us without losing our humanity. Whoever coined the phrase "real men don't cry" needs a kick up the backside. It helps, do it when you need to.

Have a lovely trip. 

[KaishaMikasa]

I am 2 days into my trip and she has gone to a bar both nights.  The first night she came home acting really manic and pretty much freaked my kids out.  They sent me text messages including a video showing her behavior. She was also kind enough to post the bars on Facebook.  I think it is attention seeking but it is also good evidence. I  am scared as hell about the boys having to live with her without me to shield them.  I want them to live with me but I travel for work 3 nights a month and that could be a problem.  Regarding manic behavior did any one else's PWBPD ever act like a kid and start just being over the top giddy? I think I have triggered her and she is trying to become social and connect with her high school people which is fine but she has also changed her hair back to her high school style.  She is reaching out to her old boyfriends and started post old pictures of the kids on Facebook which is very out of characters.  Is she having some sort of psychotic break or maybe just a midlife crisis?

[C.Stein]

Regarding manic behavior did any one else's PWBPD ever act like a kid and start just being over the top giddy?

My ex would sometimes act like that.

[downintx]

Firstly, so sorry to hear what you are having to deal with, I have been through infidelity with my BPD wife too, and I am now a little over a year into reconciling, which is going as good as can be for someone in a BPD relationship. Just wanted to mention, and not sure if someone else mentioned it - I think it would be a good idea to get screenshots or print-outs of her FB page showing that she hangs out at bars when you are out of town. If anything, it will be proof of how she neglect the children when you are not there. The more proof and evidence you gather, the more helpful it will be to you, if you decide to seek sole custody of the children. Best of luck to you. I know what you are going through.

[KaishaMikasa]

Ingot them and texts from my kids saying she is acting strange.  One even said she is either drunk or high.

[AsGoodAsItGets]

Please move slowly in this process, one, recording ok, we want several even if you have to pretend to be a happily married man for six more month.  I have 3 sister, god bless them, two of them divorced, and it went so favorably for them, the courts favor the women, so please, please, take your time with this.

[Circle]

I make very good money and she lives on the water!  This guy has a dhitty 2 bedroom house and drives a junky old car.  I guess I am too boring.

Really? I know it sucks, I've been where you are before. But, you are seriously thinking that this guy is a loser because he drives a junky car, and his home has few rooms?

That seems irrelevant to me. He is untrustworthy; that's the bottom line. As is your wife.

What you do with it, is up to you. Some men find a way to let their wives have sex with others. Some couples have open relationships, where each person can sleep with others. Or, maybe that isn't a solution for you; that you aren't built for such arrangements.

I am sorry that you are going through this. I have tried to remember in such situations, that my pain is in me and from my own personal traumas and feelings; that this person who I am getting all worked up over isn't really worth it in actuality. And, I try to remember, that I have to experience the pain and feel it; that I'll survive.

Take care of yourself. Be compassionate with yourself. Treat yourself better than you usually would. We are here for you!

[KaishaMikasa]

I had her followed yesterday and she bought a phone and went to a lawyer so I think she either knows it's coming or wants out.  She is also mad because I locked the safe so she could not steal the contents.  I am still good with this as long as she does not try to make it ugly. If she does I have good documentation on her behavior.  I am ready for this behavior to leave my life.  I feel for my boys and hope she makes it simple.  What is interesting is she went out on Thursday and ran across my realtor and drove him nuts!  He called me and said so the next day.  Last night she went to the bar again and tried to talk with a man at the bar who rebuffed her.  She also appears to not closed the deal with the new guy because he denied their date and went out with his girlfriend.  She is ending the marriage for some fantasy.  I was going to file next week anyway so nothing changes but I am afraid that once she is alone she will go into attack mode.

[KaishaMikasa]

Update on my situation.  My wife found out that I took the safe keys with me on my trip and that I took half of the savings account.  Most likely I just beat her to it.  She was mad but didn't address it me except by text.  I talked my oldest son today who is 16 and he told me that his mom told him that he and his brother were going to stay in the house because she thinks that is best for them.  She knows that I am going to get the home as she cannot pay for it.  Also she saw a lawyer in Monday and visited her parents and left a medium size bag there.  She also went to Kmart Lowes and a Hardware store.  It sounds like to me that she is planning on just leaving.  She has been loading family pictures into Facebook for a couple of weeks also which is peculiar.  Has anyone ever had a BPD just leave without a fight?

[KaishaMikasa]

By the way she went and looked at house today.  She tried to hide it by taking me off the family calendar.  However it sent me an email and I told her to out me back on and found it.