Advice Needed. How to respond when they ask one thing but mean another.

[maryy16]

H and are out driving. He's in a normal state. I mention that I tried a persimmon for the first time yesterday. He's says "I've never had one . What is it?" So I start to answer, "Well, it's a fruit and ... ."

He immediately cuts me off and angrily says, "I know it's a fruit! You don't have to tell me it's a fruit! What does it taste like? How come you can never explain anything right? Why would you tell me it's a fruit! I don't even want to hear anything more from you!"

He clearly asked "WHAT is it?" Not , "What does it taste like?" I'm never sure how to handle these situations. I can't be second-guessing what he actually means every time he asks a question. Any advice on how to deal with this?

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[flourdust]

I get this ALL THE TIME. It's like you're not having a conversation; instead, you're expected to cast a magic spell with exactly the right phrasing. If you're not able to guess the proper sequence of words, it blows up in your face.

You'll have to figure out an approach that works for you. I usually respond with silence, or if I'm being verbally abused, I'll walk out.

[Cat Familiar]

My husband tells me that I'm a terrible communicator, which is interesting because I've heard what a wonderful communicator I am from many people.

I chalk it up to the BPD issue of impatience and needing an explicit answer right now, yet not being willing or able to tell you exactly what they are seeking. "You're supposed to know, dammit!"

Yet another example of the BPD double standards.

My sympathies.   And I agree that you need to institute boundaries about not being verbally abused. It's hard, and things get worse for a while, until they learn that you mean it and are not going to tolerate their verbal abuse.