Going round in circles?

[Family Court Strategies: When Your Partner Has BPD OR NPD Traits.]

I miss my BPDexbf, yeah we sometimes hang out, its great but its not the same and lately i know i feel this way because of my own issues which I'm in therapy for but at the moment i just feel thrown away by him, his got his new supply of friends, doesn't want to bother with me anymore when he says he wants us to be friends. I'm grieving for last year when he said he had feelings for me and wed try and give it another go but six months later he said to much has happened and he doesn't do love or relationships, he's not interested in them, he feels dead inside. He claims that i abused him ''emotionally'', he says it in such a nice way that you believe it? We used to hang out on a Thursdays and i miss them soo much. I've set a routine for myself which is ok but its not the same and I'm trying to go out meet people, joining groups but i just ache so bad inside. I want our Thursdays back when we used to hang out but i know if i had that it wouldn't be the same, we wouldn't be taking it slow and we'd just be ''friends''.

I know that I need to work on myself, make myself happy etc...

I'm in therapy which i do three days a week, 10am til 2:30pm, i feel at the moment in order to do it properly i need to go NC with him but we have a two and a half year old daughter (who lives with my folks, in order for me to do this therapy) and he sees her once a month but when i see him it just takes me back to square one. He's never really bothered about seeing her anyway, doesn't provide for her and she drains him so he says. I've done NC before but it never seems to last, i keep getting weak, i just feel I'm going round in circles with the same thing and feel its haulting my therapy in a way and i just want to move on now. I just want NC for a year so i can sort myself out and get over him, he's like a drug which i know sounds pathetic, its all pathetic really but yeah, i'm struggling and thats where i'm at.

[Climbmountains91]

I miss my BPDexbf, yeah we sometimes hang out, its great but its not the same and lately i know i feel this way because of my own issues which I'm in therapy for but at the moment i just feel thrown away by him, his got his new supply of friends, doesn't want to bother with me anymore when he says he wants us to be friends. I'm grieving for last year when he said he had feelings for me and wed try and give it another go but six months later he said to much has happened and he doesn't do love or relationships, he's not interested in them, he feels dead inside. He claims that i abused him ''emotionally'', he says it in such a nice way that you believe it? We used to hang out on a Thursdays and i miss them soo much. I've set a routine for myself which is ok but its not the same and I'm trying to go out meet people, joining groups but i just ache so bad inside. I want our Thursdays back when we used to hang out but i know if i had that it wouldn't be the same, we wouldn't be taking it slow and we'd just be ''friends''.

I know that I need to work on myself, make myself happy etc...

I'm in therapy which i do three days a week, 10am til 2:30pm, i feel at the moment in order to do it properly i need to go NC with him but we have a two and a half year old daughter (who lives with my folks, in order for me to do this therapy) and he sees her once a month but when i see him it just takes me back to square one. He's never really bothered about seeing her anyway, doesn't provide for her and she drains him so he says. I've done NC before but it never seems to last, i keep getting weak, i just feel I'm going round in circles with the same thing and feel its haulting my therapy in a way and i just want to move on now. I just want NC for a year so i can sort myself out and get over him, he's like a drug which i know sounds pathetic, its all pathetic really but yeah, i'm struggling and thats where i'm at.

[cloudten]

It's not pathetic... .it is a drug... .you are completely on the right page.

Is there anyway you can get a restraining order so that you can have the legal freedom of no contact while maintaining some sort of court order so that he can see your daughter? Might have to have a family friend make the trade at a police station.

It sounds like you very seriously need the emotional break from him... .and this is hard when you can be attached psychologically. NC will give you that space you need to make the detachment.

I read (listened to) a helpful book called "getting past your breakup" by susan elliott, and it has helped me a lot.  It helped me stay NC, it has also helped me realize that all of these feelings of guilt, and grieving, and ruminating are all normal and part of the healing process. I used to think that the ruminating was a negative... .but the book made me realize it is actually a positive and is actually part of the grieving process. So now I lean into the grieving, label it for what it is, cry if I need to, and take some more time for myself. And slowly, its working.

I strongly recommend that if you want out and away from the crazy... .that you go NC. That you avoid the places you will find him, and that you concentrate on keeping yourself safe and concentrate on doing the things you want to do... .knowing that him and his crazy is not what you want to do.

One of the things that has helped keep me to this, besides an actual court restraining order, was coming absolutely clean with my parents about what I have been thru. They hold me accountable like no one else. My friends just "want me to be happy"... .the friends I have left anyway.

I feel like I seriously need match.com to just find female friends again. .

Fill your diary with friends and family and new activities and reclaim the old activities for yourself. After 3 weeks of NC for me, I am already feeling much, much better.

There will be days you hurt... .intense agonizing hurt. Just cry and follow your emotions on those days... .its all part of detaching. I think you'll see an upward trend, but it doesn't just all disappear. There are times it will still hurt deep deep down to your core.  When you think of the good times, force yourself to remember the bad times... .coming here and reading about the crazy things people go thru is a good reminder of what i left behind: crazy.

Much love... .love yourself.

[Climbmountains91]

It's not pathetic... .it is a drug... .you are completely on the right page.

Is there anyway you can get a restraining order so that you can have the legal freedom of no contact while maintaining some sort of court order so that he can see your daughter? Might have to have a family friend make the trade at a police station.

It sounds like you very seriously need the emotional break from him... .and this is hard when you can be attached psychologically. NC will give you that space you need to make the detachment.

I read (listened to) a helpful book called "getting past your breakup" by susan elliott, and it has helped me a lot.  It helped me stay NC, it has also helped me realize that all of these feelings of guilt, and grieving, and ruminating are all normal and part of the healing process. I used to think that the ruminating was a negative... .but the book made me realize it is actually a positive and is actually part of the grieving process. So now I lean into the grieving, label it for what it is, cry if I need to, and take some more time for myself. And slowly, its working.

I strongly recommend that if you want out and away from the crazy... .that you go NC. That you avoid the places you will find him, and that you concentrate on keeping yourself safe and concentrate on doing the things you want to do... .knowing that him and his crazy is not what you want to do.

One of the things that has helped keep me to this, besides an actual court restraining order, was coming absolutely clean with my parents about what I have been thru. They hold me accountable like no one else. My friends just "want me to be happy"... .the friends I have left anyway.

I feel like I seriously need match.com to just find female friends again. .

Fill your diary with friends and family and new activities and reclaim the old activities for yourself. After 3 weeks of NC for me, I am already feeling much, much better.

There will be days you hurt... .intense agonizing hurt. Just cry and follow your emotions on those days... .its all part of detaching. I think you'll see an upward trend, but it doesn't just all disappear. There are times it will still hurt deep deep down to your core.  When you think of the good times, force yourself to remember the bad times... .coming here and reading about the crazy things people go thru is a good reminder of what i left behind: crazy.

Much love... .love yourself.

I don't know if to get a restraining order as he hasn't done anything to physically hurt me? I don't know how it all works and its not him that contacts its me because i'm weak, he always respects when i go NC but then i want him to see our daughter more so we go back to contact but i feel i need the NC so i can move on like he has. I know its me thats the one with the problems.

I will deffo check out that book sounds helpful and am into reading at the moment

I told him i felt really hurt by the comment he made tonight and said that i wasn't having a go his response, ''i know sorry i didnt mean it like that just meant we both hurt eachother sorry anyways''

I've just joined a site called meetup, i was only told today about it by a friend and its groups in your local area to meet new friends, non of this dating site rubbish ! but i would deffo check out that I've cancelled all my dating websites to many weirdos.

I'm sitting here now questioning weather i abused him? I said hurtful things, like he has, done a cazy things., like he has because he hurt me but would it go as far as calling it abuse? I keeps trying to own that he tried for three years its like well i did aswell, we both did.

Thank you for your reply muchly appreciated x